The Jeffrey And Tracey Info Emporium

There’s so much talk about emotional intelligence and how it can
promote personal and business success. What is it really? What
are its basic tenets?

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognize, understand,
and manage one’s emotions and that of others. This “intelligent”
concept focuses on the role of emotion in our daily lives and
how it affects our perception, reasoning, and behavior.

Emotions are pervasive in our daily existence. From the time we
wake up to the time we retire to bed, we experience emotions. We
can get excited by the news of economic recovery, or we feel
upset when our favorite team loses a championship game.

Moreover, we can get lonely when our friend of many years
decides to look for greener pastures and we can feel anxious
when our child does not go home on time after class.

So really, emotions happen everywhere and anytime. There is no
day that passes by without emotions being involved. We
experience emotions when we - win or lose, receive phone calls
from long lost friends, greet our children good morning, say
hello to our neighbors, prepare meals for our spouses, or ride
the subway train.

Emotions are just as normal as the rising of the sun.

However, there are times when our emotions can become
overwhelming and can negatively affect our functioning. For
instance, anger is normal. However, the inappropriate display of
uncontrolled anger can be destructive.

Let me clarify this point with a hypothetical situation.
Richard, a relatively nice guy who works as a salesman, is
married for 5 years with Cynthia. For the past few years, his
sales have plummeted due to some unknown reasons. He used to be
mild-mannered but lately he hasn’t been the same.

When he gets angry, he just can’t control himself. He yells,
bangs the door, throws fits, and punches the wall. In addition,
he calls his wife names and puts her down. Eventually, he has
physically harmed Cynthia. Due to his uncontrollable anger and
physically abusive behavior, Cynthia has decided to file a
divorce.

In this example, Richard has failed to recognize his ongoing
anger and its associated behavioral consequences. Because of his
inability to recognize his anger and consequent behavior, he has
failed miserably to contain his anger despite signs that his
wife doesn’t want to put up with it. In addition, he has failed
miserably to recognize and understand the feelings of Cynthia.
How could he? He can’t even recognize his own.

Emotional intelligence can therefore become an important tool at
home and at work. By learning its basic tenets of self awareness
(knowing one’s emotions), self management (controlling one’s
emotions), social awareness (recognizing the emotions of
others), and relationship management (social skills), people can
make use of the emotion to advance the positive cause of our
families and communities.

NLP has been called the study of subjective experience. Its central contention is that people operate from and respond to their “construction” of their experiences rather than from a single external “reality”. They have their own unique models or maps of the world and each one is different from every other. All such “maps” are valid whilst no map is fully able to represent the “territory” or external reality itself.

NLP has a theoretical basis the core of which is that it is a way of thinking about people which has proved practical and effective in a wide range of applications, contexts and situations. It is not held to be “true”, but it is taken as a useful model. The model itself is organic and changes as new applications are explored. It is broadly based and draws on concepts from many areas of psychology and psychotherapy.
Early influences stem from the Gestalt “school”, the family therapy of Virginia Satire, Ericksonian brief therapy, and humanistic psychology. There are also clear links with the fields of systems theory, behavioural psychology and linguistics, especially the works of Bateson, Watzlawick, Korzybsky and Chomsky.

NLP addresses the issues of creating expectations which cannot sensibly be realised. To do this there is a great deal of emphasis placed on the concept of “ecology” in the personal and corporate change work in NLP. The changes sought must be fully representative of the whole person or system, and not just a part that may be fanciful {albeit also creative} or careless of the potential adverse consequences of change.

The NLP approach is “reflexive” in that therapists seek to make their own psychological processes explicit and to understand these in terms of the theoretical model on which their therapeutic approach is based. The essential remedial and generative model for change is NLP.
In NLP it is stated that PRESENT STATE + RESOURCES = DESIRED STATE. Where the resources are “enabling states” drawn from client’s own experience.

The NLP psychotherapist and counsellor seeks to help the client to identify the desired state and then achieve it using his or her own internal resources. This can involve the client in changing limiting beliefs, acquiring new beliefs, and / or gaining insights into patterns of behaviour, thereby enabling more choices.
Whilst the client’s personal history is taken as relevant to his or her present state, the emphasis is on how he or she constructs that state from experiences past and present rather than on why. In general this is taken to be a process of “deletion” in which some experiences are ignored, “generalisation” in which universal rules are inferred from individual sets of experiences, and “distortion” in which connections are made between experiences, the intensity or quality of which may be heightened or diminished by internal processing.
“Experiences” are highly varied but they can finally be described in terms of past and present sensory inputs modified by deletion, generalisation and distortion. That is to say, that at any one time, an individual has access to external sensory inputs through the visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, abstract, gustatory and olfactory channels and to internal constructions {memories, with or without deletion and distortion, and synthesised fantasies} which can be described in terms of the same basic five senses. The particular “construction” actually experienced depends on the extent of distortion and deletion in each of the ten categories {five internal and five external}.

The “meaning” ascribed to the experience depends on the extent of generalisation or distortion applied to it. Change takes place in the present and is experienced in the future. Understanding the “past” as a means to achieve change, is in effect understanding the present construction of the past.
Cybernetics and systems theory provide a metaphor for the NLP model of personality. It is seen as being one where the person is driven by cognitive patterns of experience rather than by cause and effect chains.
NLP psychotherapy is typically brief compared with some other types of psychotherapy. Furthermore because NLP is generative as well as remedial, work with an NLP therapist or counsellor can move on from dealing with past limitations to future performance in order to achieve personal and professional goals.

James Angove has an interesting and varied professional background in the field of corporate multi-nationals. Twenty years ago he embarked upon a change of direction and began training as a therapist.
He is a Certified Master Practitioner, and Trainer of the Art of Neuro Linguistic Programming. He is experienced in the use of Bio energetics, Reflexology, Ericksonian Hypnosis and Psychotherapy. He combines the experience of both fields of business, and therapy to bring a new and pervasive perspective to finding solutions and enhancing trainings. His website is Therapist Online.

Imagine feeling depressed when the sun shines and the weather is warm. Believe me, it’s actually not as unusual as it sounds. You’ve probably heard of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the form of winter blues, but less common is summer depression, which is said to affect roughly 600,000 people in the UK. For these people, the arrival of summer makes them feel gloomy and fatigued.

I know how they feel. I’m one of them. Though I suffer from depression all year round, I’ve noticed how much worse it gets between the months of March and October, with June, July and August being the most unbearable.

It is April as I write this. It’s been quite a cool month so far but it is due to get warmer during the next few days. Already I am feeling the dread. The only place I can write is in the south-facing living room of my tiny flat. This makes matters worse as I have to keep the curtains drawn to stop the sun attacking me. Yes, it really does feel like that. Too much sunlight seems to drain my energy and I am unable to get on with things, adding to more frustration. It feels like a prison. As well as the curtains drawn against sun and heat, I am usually listening to music with headphones on to block out all noise (and there is a lot where I live - I’ve got neighbours from hell). And as a writer, it’s no surprise that I get the worst case of writer’s block during this time of the year.

I’ve never enjoyed being out in the sun and loathe sunbathing. In fact, I’ve never sunbathed. I don’t see the point. I like my pale skin, thank you very much. And it amazes me really, how others seem to be obsessed with getting a tan and just go on ignoring the warnings about skin cancer. The sun is not your best friend. You’ve got to believe it. Yes, it’s true that you need it in small doses for a bit of vitamin D, but other than that, beware.

If you think about it there is every reason to be depressed in the summer. For a start you see people out having a good time (a better time than you, probably) and if you are already depressed and lonely, it gets you down even more. There are also a lot of weddings in summer, and people do tend to socialize more, so if you’re single you are likely to feel worthless and alone.

But this isn’t my problem. What really bothers me is the heat. It makes me feel irritable and I hate feeling sticky and dirty. And if it’s too hot I sleep badly. In fact, I don’t sleep at all some nights. And then there’s the creepy-crawlies. I tell you, I absolutely detest them. Spiders being my biggest phobia of all. Is it just me, or are they getting bigger? It just makes me afraid to leave the windows open so I feel even more frustrated and upset.

Many people look forward to going somewhere hot for their holidays. Well, not me. I can’t imagine anything more stressful than sweltering in the heat. When I holiday I prefer to go somewhere cool, and for the last few years I’ve been going to Sweden. Now, don’t get me wrong, they do have summers in Sweden, but they are short and not very hot. Even if they are, you don’t seem to notice much as there are large areas of open space and it’s always breezy (especially on the south-west coast where I like to visit).

When autumn arrives I notice that I start to feel so much better. As the nights draw in I feel calmer and more comfortable with life. For me there is nothing better than creating a warm and cosy atmosphere indoors with lots of low lighting and curtains drawn against the cold frosty nights. Autumn has always been my favourite season anyway, and I love the colours and the smells, and the fact that winter is coming (bringing with it some snow, hopefully).

I do love nature and being outdoors, but I would rather go out during the autumn and winter months. What can be more refreshing than a cold bite of wind against the skin? It seems to energize me. And what can be more beautiful than seeing everything covered in a blanket of snow? Another thing that I’ve noticed is that in the winter I can control my depression instead of it controlling me. Maybe that’s the real reason I hate summer.

If you suffer with summer depression here are some ways to help you cope:

Drink lots of water as dehydration leads to more irritation.

Keep cool with an air conditioning or a fan.

Wear cool clothes of natural fibre.

Make sure you have thick curtains that can block out the sunlight.

Wear sunglasses when out in the sun.

Avoid junk food and eat more healthy food such as lean meat, fish, fruit and vegetables. Take vitamins B complex and C. The mineral magnesium is also important as you lose this when you sweat.

Avoid caffeine as it leaves you feeling tired and lethargic. It’s best to avoid alcohol too as it dehydrates you, making you feel even more hot and bothered.

Make sure your bedroom is cool at night by leaving a small window slightly open.

See your GP as he may be able to prescribe some medication to help with your depression.

Marie Seymour is a freelance writer, copy-editor and novelist. She has written articles on writing, music, astrology and health and is currently working on a novel about vampires. She lives in London but dreams of escaping all the pollution, litter and noise to live in the countryside where she can write novels for a living in peace.

http://www.marieseymour.com

http://marie-deepthinker.blogspot.com/

“Dad, I tried to wake Nana, I think she’s dead.”
“Grandpa died yesterday.”
“Oh my God, Daddy’s dead.”
“Uncle Jack died today.”
“Grandma died last night.”
“I’m standing with the body of your deceased father-in-law.”
“Hon, I think we should get a divorce.”
“I’m sorry, but we weren’t able to resuscitate your mother.”
“Mike called. He thinks Mary is dead.”
“I’m sorry to leave this on your voice mail, but Uncle Andy died last night.”

This litany of phone calls and conversations on death or parting has all occurred in the past 30 years of my life, most in the last 20. Whether I was the one delivering or receiving these messages, the speaking of each one was the start of the long, seemingly endless process of grieving. Often, I felt so sucker punched that I doubted I could go on. Getting up the next day seemed impossible, yet somehow I almost always did.

Something deep inside told me I had to, that there was no other way to get through it, but to keep moving. I attribute that to my deep belief in a higher plan and a sense that getting through this trial was like going through a tunnel. I told myself that if I put one foot in front of the other, I would eventually come out the other side and be able to feel somewhat whole again. Sometimes, it was all I could do to put one toe in front of the other, but all forward movement I deemed positive.

The last five instances happened within the past five years, with my mother and sister-in-law and godfather’s deaths back to back in ‘99, ‘00 and ‘01. Looking for the reason why I have been given so many opportunities to experience the grip of grief first hand, I now believe it was in order to help others and ease their way.

If you’ve been here, you know. There’s no magic pill to get you through the immense pain, intense sadness and amazing denial, anger and upset that you feel. However, I did create, through trial and error, a few simple practices which have profoundly impacted my journey through the tunnel and I would like to share them with you.

(1) Every single day, let in the love of family, friends and co-workers. On those days that you feel you can’t bear to see anyone or when you realize that some of them have moved on, thinking in error that you are “better”, read through the cards you’ve received. Save and then play voice mail messages and re-read e-mails of support. Give your heart a visible reminder that others do care and want to share your pain. Let them - mentally off-load a bit of it onto their shoulders. Don’t try to carry it all by yourself. It can crush you and it will try. Don’t let it!

(2) Create a morning or evening meditation time. Even if you can’t see how to find the time, do it somehow. This was especially helpful to me in getting through the horrible time of adjustment to life alone after my divorce and then again when my Mom died. I had always said a few wake-up prayers, but found I needed more. I started with Jerry Jampolsky’s book, “Love is the Answer” and read one (short) chapter a day. Then, I bought the book “A Course on Miracles” and meditated on the daily passages. While the 365 lessons seemed to represent a huge commitment, the daily phrases were so empowering that I continued. Additionally, I saved affirmations from various sources like Science of Mind magazine and The Daily Word and read them daily. Any quote from a book or article that I thought would motivate me to get up and make the day a less painful one than the day before, I saved and re-read daily. I posted the best of them around my office and in my meditation area. I still do. When you actively start looking for empowering passages, you will be touched and inspired by what comes your way.

(3) Finally, but most importantly, express yourself in some way often! I would recommend that you do it daily, as well. I found out the hard way that keeping emotions bottled up or trying to ignore them hurt more in the long run and adversely affected my health. Talk to people about your loved one, write about him/her, start a journal of your thoughts and feelings, scream whenever you can find a place where you won’t alarm the neighbors, family members or fellow travelers, do some kind of physical exercise to work off steam - whenever and wherever you can vent, do so daily.

To anyone caught in the black and blue morass of grief, I invite you to consider adding these three emotionally healing practices to your daily life. They have helped me come through some horribly upsetting times, still sad at heart, but feeling more serene in the knowledge that I can and will go on - living my life to the best of my ability - for my dear ones and with my dear ones safely ensconced in my mind and heart forevermore.

2005 © Creative Mastery Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.

Gail Stone is Founder of Creative Mastery Coaching, LLC. Find out how you can Get a Grip and Go®! and register for your Get A Grip Clips today at http://www.GetAGripAndGo.com

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Many psychological books talk about these Ego Splits which
usually start off as Inner Children Energy Blockages.

The Inner Children Sub-personalities are separate egos which
have been artificially created through painful experiences. Once
created they shuttle in and out of your consciousness without
you noticing them, except by their negative effects in your
life. They are like separate ego programs, virtual machines,
psychic viruses, which live within the one computer, You!!

They are anaesthetised through Drugs, but Only Meditation,
Through the Grounding of Negative Energies and other Immensely
Powerful Blockage Busting Techniques, can drain these Energy
Blockages of their Painful Negative Energies and Emotions and
Integrate them back into the Soul Central Stem.

Through Meditation it is possible to learn how to heal all your
inner children, the Inner Saboteurs, the childish
sub-personalities which split off from the central stem of the
personality at the time when they are hurt, and which then
destructively affect our emotions and our actions for the rest
of our lives as they wander into and out of the active
personality.

Ancient Effective Synthesis of Meditation Techniques can
dissolve the Inner Children Energy Blockages which Unconsciously
Link Your Sexual Base Chakra and the Relationship Abdominal
Chakra to the Chakras of Other People thus causing Adultery and
Divorce.

These split off parts of your mind form the Unconscious and Link
Your Sexual Base Chakra and the Relationship Abdominal Chakra to
the Chakras of Other People thus causing Adultery and Divorce.

They form an Unconscious Connection which in some people is more
conscious.

You become Unconsciously “Hooked” which is where the Ancient
term, “Hooker” comes from.

In a way, these Advanced Energy Blockages are parts of the
Selfish Competitive Ego.

These Inner Children Sub-personalities are stronger the older
they are and can form at any age in your life.

The Mastery Of Relationships, the Mastery of the Second
Initiation, the Mastery of the Sexual Base Chakra the
Relationship Second Chakra, the Mastery of the Psychic Sexual
Connection, the Mastery of Intimacy and Independence. The
Mastery of Relationships Can Transmute Bad Luck To Good Luck.

Anything unconscious can lead you into trouble and bad luck.

All bad luck comes from these Soul Splits. As your Life is
Sabotaged and Fails due to the influence of these inner
saboteurs, the your stress rises and their action becomes more
intense. It is the Inner Children who want to use the Strategies
in order to gain what they have been programmed to do, And The
Inner Children Will Use The Strategies Like The Poor Me,
Violator And Star, More And More Intensely As The Stress
Increases.

As The Strings Are Wound Up.

The Energy Connections between Sexual Chakras become ‘Hooked”

In This Way You Lose Balance.

Ancient Effective Synthesis of Meditation Techniques teach you
to do the same thing that Shamen do in what they call “Soul
Retrieval”. To the sound of a beating drum they will enter into
the astral plane and bring back to you these split off parts of
yourself.

This Ancient Effective Synthesis of Meditation Techniques
teaches you how to do this for yourself.

It needs an Ancient Advanced Synthesis of Effective Techniques
for Gaining More Energy - Meditation, Shaktipat, Energy
Circulation, The Kundalini Kriyas, The Five Elemental Paths Of
The Chi Of Chinese Alchemical Taoism, The Grounding Of Negative
Energies, V.I.T.R.I.O.L, The Art Card Of The Thoth Tarot, Access
To Kundalini Energy, Strong Psychic Protection, Learn The
Merkaba, Pyramid Protection, Power Tower Protection, Create The
Antahkarana, Soul Fusion, Monadic Infusion, Logos Infusion. The
Painless Removal Of Stress, Trauma And Negative Emotion

A question I’m asked quite frequently of someone seeking
psychotherapy is, “How do I find the right psychotherapist for
me?” The first thing I recommend is ask around for a referral
from family members, friends, and coworkers. It is then I
realize there is still a stigma around getting psychological
help. Many people just don’t feel comfortable asking people in
their own lives. Either they don’t want others to know that they
need help; or they’re afraid of making other people
uncomfortable if they asked them!

1. Ask people you know for a suggestion.
My first
suggestion is still to ask around (those who you feel
comfortable asking). In the meantime, I guess we have to do more
educating about psychological problems so that people do not
feel judged when they need help.

2. Check the yellow pages. The yellow pages is still
second to word-of-mouth for psychotherapy referrals. Yellow
pages advertising usually requires that professionals be
licensed to list under certain categories. While going to a
licensed professional does not guaranteed a good therapeutic
fit, you can make certain assumptions:

This professional has the education and training needed to pass
licensure requirements in the State.
This professional has
ethical standards they must maintain; and if they do not, you
have recourse for disciplinary action.
This professional
probably has to have continuing education in their field to
maintain their license.
This professional must follow
certain professional guidelines in administering treatment to
their patients.

Professional categories to look under are:

Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Marriage and
Family Therapists, Social Workers, Counselors.

Work
Setting Categories are:

Mental Health, Social Service
Organizations, Crisis Intervention Centers, Domestic Violence
and Women’s Shelters, Alcohol and Drug Treatment Centers, Human
Service Organizations. These may vary somewhat within your local
phone listings, but you get the idea.

The internet is also a source for finding reputable
professionals to help you. Just look for the same credentials
that you look for from other referral sources.

As a point of clarification, Psychologists have a PhD and do
psychotherapy and psychological testing. Psychiatrists are MD’s
or DO’s (medical doctors) who have a specialty in Psychiatry.
So, they can also be found under Physicians in your yellow pages
directory. Psychiatrists can prescribe and manage psychotropic
medications, but most do not do psychotherapy.

3. Get a Referral from Another Professional

Other professionals who deal with people in distress, such as
Other Therapists, Medical Doctors, Chiropractors, Massage
Therapists, Attorneys, Human Resource Offices at Businesses,
Teachers and School Psychologists and Counselors, and Police and
the Courts all may be appropriate sources for referrals. Some
communities also have a referral systems. For example,
Physicians Referral, which is a call in service.

What kind of helping professional would work best for
me?

Let’s go through some differences in therapists:

Would you feel more comfortable with a man or a woman?
Do
you think you can connect better with a younger or older
therapist?
D Do you need to have a professional who accepts
your insurance?
Do you need a therapist with evening or
weekend hours?
Do you know that you work better with a
certain treatment approach or style?
Do you want a therapist
who will be supportive for your lifestyle? For example a
therapist who is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender
affirming.

As a note, sometimes clients believe that they cannot get
understanding from a therapist unless the therapist has had the
same experiences. For example, “I can’t go to a therapist who
has never been married”, or “She can’t understand, she’s never
had children, or “He’s advising me, and he’s divorced!” “He’s
never lost anyone, how could he know how I feel.”

There is a reason why therapists do not talk about their
personal lives, and this is one of them. Psychologists go
through extensive training to become professionals in their
field. Part of that training often involves the therapist
becoming the patient so that they can work through their own
personal issues before trying to help others. Just as the
medical doctor has not had all illnesses, psychologists haven’t
experienced every human experience, but they learn through
training and experience.

Now take a look at your situation?

Do you need somebody who specializes in your problem? Unless a
therapist lists a particular specialty in their advertising,
most therapists are general practitioners and can handle most
problems.

Do you need medication? Most often a person doesn’t know if they
need medication. In this case,it’s usually best to schedule an
appointment with someone other than a psychiatrist. If you need
a psychiatrist, you will be referred to one.

Is the problem more an individual issue or a relationships
issue? If most of your misery is stemming from your
relationship, and your partner is willing, start with a Licensed
Marriage and Family Therapist. These professionals have had
additional training and experience that qualifies them
specifically for the Marriage and Family Therapist licensure.
Again, this doesn’t guarantee they will be good therapists, but
it does mean they have met certain requirements in the field.

If you are having sexual difficulties, you might want to seek
help from a certified Sex Therapist. I find it is better to seek
help from licensed professional who also has experience and
training in sexual dysfunction. The field of Sex Therapy is
somewhat less regulated than the others mentioned, so you want
to make sure this individual is someone who is
reputable.

What type of psythotherapy do you feel will be most helpful
to you?

This is a question most people do not know
how to answer. What types are there? This is why it’s helpful to
talk to a friend who has been there.

I am primarily a
cognitive therapist, for example, but I wouldn’t expect you to
know that. And I don’t list my primary treatment preference in
any advertising because I like to be somewhat eclectic in my
approach.

I would answer that question when you called
in for an appointment if you asked me. Certainly, I would
discuss my approach when you came for your first
appointment.

If you were suffering from an Anxiety
Disorder, I would use a more exclusively cognitive/behavioral
approach, if you came in for PTSD, I would add some other
treatment modalities specific to that disorder. Marriage
Counseling, although cognitive, is treated a little differently
than individual therapy. For example, I use more structure, more
homework, and am more active with couples. It works better and
gets the couple moving toward health more quickly.

What is the average length of treatment?

This
probably has the most varied answer of all.

Some have
chronic and severe mental illness and need the involvement of a
Psychiatrist for medication and a therapist for initial
treatment and then followup periodically as changes happen in
the condition throughout life.

Some have more difficult acute disorders like a major depressive
disorder which may also need medication and weekly therapy until
the depression is reduced. Of those who take antidepressant
medication, some do remain on medication for years to maintain
health. The majority stay on medication for 6 months to 2 years,
depending on their particular case.

Eating Disorders and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for
example, can be stubborn to treat in that they have impacted at
many levels of the clients life. In the most difficult PTSD
cases, two to three years of therapy is not uncommon. In the
case of eating disorders, it can take longer.

That’s only a small sample of possibilities, it really depends
on the client’s response to therapy and their life situation and
the resources available to them in the community. For eating
disordered people, for example, there are excellent inpatient
treatment programs that can be lifesaving, and therapy would be
a follow up to that.

Hopefully I have shed some small light on the mysterious world
of psychotherapy. These are suggestions for finding a therapist.
One of the things I do not address is “the personality factor”.
There really is no way to access your comfort level with a
therapist until you meet with him or her. Since the first
session is usually information gathering, give the new therapist
two or three sessions to see if your personalities are
compatible for entering into this most important trusting
relationship with one another.

The Importance of the Workplace Environment

Many managers and supervisors labor under the mistaken impression that the level of employee performance on the job is proportional to the size of the employee’s pay packet. Although this may be true in a minority of cases, numerous employee surveys have shown by and large this to be untrue. In fact, salary increases and bonuses for performance, in many instances, have a very limited short-term effect. The extra money soon comes to be regarded not as an incentive but as an “entitlement”.

There are other factors that when combined provide a more powerful determinant of employee performance. When these other factors are missing or diluted, the employee does come to work only for a paycheck. In this case, the employee is present at work in body only, leaving their mind outside the gate.

It is the quality of the employee’s workplace environment that most impacts on their level of motivation and subsequent performance. How well they engage with the organization, especially with their immediate environment, influences to a great extent their error rate, level of innovation and collaboration with other employees, absenteeism and, ultimately, how long they stay in the job. Many studies have revealed that most employees leave their organization because of the relationship with their immediate supervisor or manager.

So, what are the workplace environment factors that need to be taken into consideration by any serious manager? Described below are the key factors and how each can be utilized by supervisors and managers to boost performance.

Workplace Performance Factors

Goal-setting

Involve employees in setting meaningful goals and performance measures for their work. This can be done informally between the employee and their immediate supervisor or as part of an organization’s formal performance management process. The key here is that each employee is actively engaged in the goal-setting process and takes ownership of the final agreed goals and measures.

Performance feedback

Regularly feed back to employees information on how they are performing. This should consist of both positive feedback on what the employee is doing right as well as feedback on what requires improvement. The feedback needs to be as objective as possible and delivered with the appropriate interpersonal and conflict resolution skills. It can be a mix of both informal feedback and feedback delivered as part of a formal performance management cycle.

Role congruity

Work to ensure that the role that the employee is required to perform is consistent with their expectations on joining the organization and any subsequent training. The organization’s role expectations are typically reflected in formal documents, such as Job Descriptions and Role Specifications. These expectations should be consistent with tasks allocated by the employee’s immediate supervisor.

Defined processes

Many errors, defects and customer complaints are the result of poor process management. Constrain the variability of how work is actually performed through documenting processes and communicating such expectations to employees. Verify on a regular or random basis that the work is actually performed in the way required. Along with goal setting, getting employees to help define and improve processes is a powerful opportunity for engagement.

Workplace incentives

Determine what motivates your employees in particular and set up formal and informal structures for rewarding employees that behave in the way required. Rewards may consist of a mix of internal rewards, such as challenging assignments, and external rewards, such as higher compensation and peer recognition.

Supervisor support

Act as advocates for employees, gathering and distributing the resources needed by them in order for them to be able to do a good job. Immediate supervisors and managers need to display the interpersonal skills required to engage employees and enhance their self-confidence. This includes providing positive encouragement for a job well done.

Mentoring/coaching

Make available to employees skilled and respected people to help them perform better in their current role and to assist them develop further into a future role. Mentors and coaches may be internal to an organization or external. Either way, they will need to possess the necessary facilitation skills to assist employees apply existing sills and develop new skills.

Resource availability

The vast majority of employees take pride in their work and try hard to do a good job. Make sure that individual workloads and organizational systems and processes do not hinder employees from applying established skills or from practicing newly learned skills. Adequate time and material resources need to be available to enable them to perform to the best of their ability. Make their work easier and help minimize error rates and customer dissatisfaction by supplying job aids. These can include templates, guides, models and checklists.

Money is not a sufficient motivator in encouraging the superior workplace performance required in today’s competitive business environment. Managers and supervisors will need to be comfortable with working with the whole gamut of workplace factors that influence employee motivation. Skills required include the ability to engage employees in mutual goal setting, clarify role expectations and provide regular performance back. Time and energy will also need to be given to providing relevant performance incentives, managing processes, providing adequate resources and workplace coaching. Last but not least, to drive their organizations to peak performance managers and supervisors must put out front the human face of their organization. Paramount here is the human-to-human interaction through providing individualized support and encouragement to each and every employee.

2006 © Business Performance Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.

Vicki Heath is the Director of Business Performance Pty Ltd, a company providing practical online information and resources in a range of business areas, including change management. Her company’s guides, tools and templates assist organizations engage and develop people, manage organizational change and improve project delivery.

Her comprehensive guide, Managing Change in the Workplace, will help you learn and apply many practical strategies for improving the chances of success of your change initiative. The Guide is complete with a reusable and customizable workbook. Download the Guide and the free Change Role Skills Gap Worksheet at http://www.businessperform.com.

During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved people, one of the most frequent questions I have been asked is, “Who has the worst pain?” Do bereaved parents suffer more than widows and widowers? Do children whose parents die feel more agony than children who lose a sibling? Is it harder to watch a loved one suffer for a long time before death releases the victim than it is to answer the doorbell or the phone at midnight and suddenly hear the news of tragedy? Is suicide worse than homicide? Is the death of an “older” child more difficult to grieve than the death of a newborn or infant?

If there were one, clear and definitive answer to those questions, grieving could be neatly catalogued and mourners could be organized into convenient categories. Our comforters and caregivers would then be able to select from a predictable menu of helps, and everyone could get “healed” more quickly and efficiently. If only….

But the truth is it makes little difference how our loved ones died, at what ages, or what our relationships were named. The pain of grief is agony no matter how or when it happens.

Long-term dying is not better or worse than sudden deathit is different.

Mourning the death of an infant is not better or worse than mourning the death of a teenagerit is different.

The grief of the widowed is not better or worse than the grief of bereaved parentsit is different.

Death by homicide is not easier or harder than death by suicideit is different. And the list goes on and on…

There is no adequate preparation for the loneliness and emptiness that must be squarely faced when we finally come to the realization that we will never again in this life see that one who is so precious to us. In every case the mourning period can be just as painful and difficult for one as it is for another, but the grief needs of the bereaved can be very different.

When the relationship to a loved one was cemented with the permanent “super glue” of devotion and commitment, death causes a ripping apart that leaves the survivor with a devastating and gaping wound, regardless of how the death occurred or what the relationship was named.

However, if the adhesive that formed the relationship bond was simply “pressure sensitive,” the separation may involve no more than the sting of tape being quickly pulled off skin. The pain may be sharp but short-lived, regardless of the type of death or the kind of connection. It all depends on how bonded the survivor was to the deceased.

In our society, a “friendship” may not be taken as seriously as a blood relationship; an engagement may not be perceived as importantly as a marriage; the death of a parent may be assumed to be a more deeply felt loss than it truly was to the surviving child or children. And we must never assume that a long-term dying process has fulfilled the “grief quota” of the survivors who loved and lost!

It’s not fair to assume that if mourners have some advance warning that the death is coming, their grieving time is shorter or less intense. We must be careful not to confuse the natural relief that the deceased is finally beyond the reach of suffering with the assumption that the grief of missing them will be abated.

By inadvertently giving our society the message that certain kinds of relationships or certain kinds of experiences are “worse” or “better” than others, the grief support for some survivors may be in danger of being prematurely aborted or even ignored entirely.

Grief is an individual experience and comforters and caregivers must be careful to support the bereaved on a very personal, each-case basis. Mourners feel the pain of grief in direct proportion to their perception of how important the loved one was in their lives, and that value is entirely subjective.

There is really only one criteria that establishes the quality and quantity of mourning: The intensity of grieving is directly related to the intensity of bonding.

Good Grief Resources (http://www.goodgriefresources.com) was conceived and founded by Andrea Gambill whose 17-year-old daughter died in 1976. In 1977, she founded one of the earliest chapters of The Compassionate Friends, an international bereaved-parent support group. In 1987, she founded and edited Bereavement magazine, and in 2000, she joined Centering Corporation as Editor of their new magazine, Grief Digest. Twenty eight years of experience in grief support has provided valuable insights into the unique needs of the bereaved and their caregivers and wide access to many excellent resources.

Drama seems to be everywhere. No matter how many technological advances are created to save time or make life convenient, no one seems to have enough time and everyone is stressed to the limit. Drama prevents you from being all that you can be, hampers productivity, drains your energy and takes you out of your power.

Drama keeps you stirred up, immobilized, upset, unhappy and otherwise dysfunctional. Drama can be detected in your emotions, your beliefs, your patterns, your language, your assumptions, your guilt, your judgments your worry, and your behaviors.

However the patterns manifest in relationships, whether that relationship is with a boss, a co-worker, your children or your spouse.

In 1968 Dr Stephen Karpman, an award winning and highly respected psychiatrist, known for his contributions to transactional analysis, developed a concept that has helped people across the globe identify the drama and eliminate the destructive patterns that hamper productivity and damage relationships. The concept is known as the Karpman Drama Triangle.

Dr Karpman’s Drama Triangle is one model that I use in workshops to help people to “stop the drama” so that they can reach their potential and build rewarding relationships. Once you learn about the model, you become better at managing conflict whether you are a leader in your organizaiton or trying to parent teenagers.

In fact, the average person can use this tool quite effectively in assessing and understanding their own interpersonal relationship challenges, regardless of whether the challenges pertain personally or professionally.

Simplified Snapshot:

On the Drama Triangle, there are three major roles that people play: Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. The diagram as Dr. Karpman originally developed it is an equilateral upside down triangle. The victim is at the bottom point. That is because the Persecutor and the Rescuer are in the one-up position. The Victim feels helpless, the Rescuer has the answer and the Persecutor tells you whose fault it is.

The behaviors and patterns evident in the victim are depression, fear neediness, low self-esteem and looking to others for answers.

The Rescuer exhibits controlling tendencies, giving unwanted advice, overextending, worrying, taking on other people’s problems and trying to be the hero.

The persecutor shows up in various forms: finger pointing, faultfinding, angry outbursts, lack of compassion, perfectionism, and judging others.

Drama might help you to get what you want at the present moment, but drama eventually keeps you from getting what you deserve.

What you want is a job, the title, more money, or prestige. What you deserve is to work with a company that incorporates your talents, intelligence and gifts, so that you can live a life of purpose and enjoy the profits of your labor.

Here’s an example of how the roles could show up in the business world: The boss is viewed as the persecutor because he or she keeps piling work on the assistant with seemingly no consideration of the assistant’s life. When someone advises the assistant simply talk to the boss about the workload, the assistant says, “I’ve tried and it before and I got nowhere!” Or “The boss doesn’t care about my life, the only thing that matters is the productivity.”

If you have been following along, you know who is playing the victim: the assistant. However, if the assistant complains about the boss to the Human Resources Manager, the HR manager now feels the pressure of the Rescue role, to make things better. Perhaps upon reading this you have noticed that when the assistant goes to the office to complain, the assistant has effectively become the persecutor and now the boss is the potential Victim.

What’s fun about using this model in workshops is to see how people view themselves in relationship to everyone else. For example many business owners and CEO’s can readily identify the patterns of their employees, and so often they see victim or persecutor behavior.

More often than not I hear employees identify their boss as a Persecutor. At the same time most people have difficulty identifying the roles they play.

There are two eye-openers for most people. First, if you are in the midst of turmoil, drama, stress, or you are otherwise having relationship problems you are on the Drama Triangle. Secondly, if you are patting yourself on the back thinking that you are the Rescuer, think again.

Dr. Karpman’s theory states that if you play one role, you eventually play them all. But here is the biggest eye opener of all. If you are in the midst of interpersonal challenges and you still can’t identify your part, then you are in the middle of the triangle, and that is called denial.

Marlene Chism is the president of ICARE; a training company that helps organizations improve communications, build relationships and reach their potential. For information call 1.888.434.9085. Sign up for “stop the drama” tips at http://www.icarepresentations.com

The mind is important in that it’s the recorder of our lives.
It stores all we will ever know as memories. These are beautiful
things that can be used in both evil and good ways. While we
should learn from our memories, reflecting on them in
understanding that we are mortal, we are also scared of our
pasts and events that have held dark meanings. We’d like to
think that we have control of what we want to remember and how
to remember it, but our mind is more powerful than many give
credit for.

I have two memories that I can claim as my oldest, though I am
unsure which is indeed the older. The first is the image of
myself being in a hospital, in a crib in a corner, with other
kids in the room. I can remember leaving the hospital in a wheel
chair. This was for my hernia operation. The other memory is an
image of a church, the inside large and beautiful, and me
sitting with my aunt and uncles. I was told that this was the
funeral of my great grandmother.

I could ask my mother which is older, but I don’t want to. Part
of the beauty of the memories is that I don’t know which is
older, that I don’t know when they are from. They are like
hallucinations that don’t leave my head, but yet they are so
close to palpable. There is just something about not really
knowing them that makes them even more special. This can be one
of the greatest things about memories. They can span over our
lifetime and become so intertwined in who we are that they
become both past, present and future.

It’s weird that we don’t remember our earliest memories of
life. It makes sense in a way I suppose. Minds aren’t all that
developed when we’re born, so they are changing and losing
thoughts. But it’s weird to live a part of your life and then
forget it. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I don’t remember my early
years. When I look at photographs I can remember other events,
but these are the only two from such early on that are stuck in
my head without aid. . It’s sad that we won’t remember all our
memories, that they slowly fade from out thoughts with untouched
grace.

I don’t know if it’s my memories that spark it or my dreams,
but I get ‘deja vu’ almost everyday. There would be times when I
would be driving in a car, or playing somewhere, and I would be
overcome with a feeling of this already existing. It wasn’t just
the place that would make it, but the actions of myself and
others, the presences of others, and the conversations around
me. It was like I had predicted these in my dreams. I could
never place the old feeling with it actually happening, but
rather with that of a dream. My mind plays tricks on me like
that. But maybe they aren’t tricks, after all.