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There is a real magic in these two words, a complete path of a royal road. It’s quite an art of saying a complete ‘YES’ or complete ‘NO’. Total ‘YES’ will come out as a result of saying total ‘NO’ to thousand things, then there is chance of an authentic ‘YES’ and discover that being authentic is the only power, a power which transcends the borrowed power of the world where there is no ownership.

To learn the secret of saying a total ‘YES’ means to deny thousands of false, it’s quite an act of courage, a courage to act with authentic voice of one’s own, uncontaminated by past, tradition or crowd. Whosoever has found a glimpse of truth has to keep it uncorrupted and at times, one has to rebel and say a thousand of ‘NO’ to thousands of things and events. One becomes more authentic when one learns the art of saying total ‘NO’. There will be no force in your ‘YES’ unless you have exhausted yourself saying saying ‘NO’ to thousand things for the sake of one thing that matters. It’s the way of bridging the gap of integrity; it’s way of being oneself, standing alone in one’s glory without any support of tradition or past.

We will always have temptation of saying ‘YES’ even when we know in our guts that it has created thousand problems in the past. All the experiences that we have gathered had taught us only two things, that is what is ‘YES’ and what is ‘NO’ in the book of our life. It’s about constantly educating ourselves for the things which matters and the things which doesn’t matter. The very process of saying ‘YES’ and ‘NO’ is enfoldment of an authentic life.

There is no force that can oppose an authentic ‘YES’, and there is no force that can fight against an authentic ‘NO’. The magic is being authentic, having a sense of integrity in your choice, nothing else matters.

If you want to discover the power of your choice, try the magic of discovering for yourself an authentic ‘YES’ and an authentic ‘NO’ and then for the first time you will discover that you are an empowered and responsible creator of your own world. You will for the first time discover the virtue of ownership. There is value of true ‘YES’ and true ‘NO’. Let the ‘YES’ or ‘NO’ be an expression of your totality.

We are in mess because we are saying a lot of half hearted ‘YES’ and thousand of half hearted ‘NO’. We don’t mean it, nevertheless we say it, and we miss a chance of discovering our own greatness. Learn and discover the passion of saying either of it with the totality of being. Power comes from having the sense of direction and pursuit of a goal which is larger than life, which consumes the logs of right and wrong and bend every event learning and discovering towards the goal of being happy and making happy. Say ‘YES’ to the desires that brings more life, love and beauty and say ‘NO’ to desires that destroys love, life and beauty. This is but a general guideline. Discovery is yours, journey is yours and a path is yours too and remember- nobody can walk for you. Wishing you all the best a complete yes.

Author is a Manager working for a pvt company, loves travelling, reading and sharing. Drop in an e-mail if you wish so on
sskunte2@rediffmail.com

None of us like to think of ourselves as victims. The term “victim” brings to mind a pathetic image of a person who is powerless. Therefore, It comes as a shock to most of us to realize how often we allow ourselves to be emotional victims. Having counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, I know that many of us are victims much of the time without realizing it.

We are being victims anytime we give another person the power to define our worth. We are being victims anytime we make approval, sex, things, a substance, or an activity responsible for our feelings of happiness and lovability. We are being victims anytime we blame another for our feelings of fear, anger, hurt, aloneness, jealousy, disappointment, and so on. Whenever we choose to define ourselves externally, we are handing away power to others and we then feel controlled by their choices.

When we choose to define ourselves internally through our connection with our spiritual Guidance, we move into personal power and personal responsibility. The moment we sincerely want to learn about our own intrinsic worth and what behavior is in our highest good, and we ask Spirit, we will receive answers. Most people do not realize how easy it is to receive answers from a spiritual Source. The answers will pop into your mind in words or pictures, or you will experience the answers through your feelings, when your sincere desire is to learn.

We always have two choices: we can try to find our happiness, peace, safety, security, lovability and worth through people, things, activities, and substances; or we can feel joyful, peaceful, safe, secure, lovable and worthy through connection with a spiritual Source of love and compassion - taking loving care of ourselves and loving others.

Whenever we choose to find our happiness and safety through others, then we have to try to control them to give us what we want. Then, when they don’t come through for us in the way we hoped they would, we feel victimized by their choices.

Here is an example: Don and Joyce are in a continual power struggle over how to handle their children. Joyce tends to be authoritarian while Don is fairly permissive. When Joyce gets frustrated with Don’s parenting, she generally yells at him about his permissiveness. Don often listens to Joyce rant and rave at him. Sometimes she goes on for over an hour and he just listens. Then, when he tries to talk with her, she refuses to listen. Don then feels victimized, complaining about how Joyce yells at him and refuses to listen to him.

When I asked Don in a counseling session with him why he sits and listens to Joyce, he stated that he hoped if he listened to her she would listen to him. I asked if she ever does listen during these conflicts, and he answered “No.”

“Why do you need her to listen to you?”

“I want to explain to her why I did what I did with the children.”

“Why do you need to explain it to her?”

“So she won’t be mad at me.”

Don allows himself to be yelled at by Joyce as his way of trying to control Joyce, hoping to get her to approve of him. Then he tried to explain to further control how she feels about him. When she won’t listen, he feels victimized by her yelling, blaming her for being such an angry, controlling person.

If Don were willing to take responsibility for approving of himself through his connection with his Higher Power, he would not listen to Joyce when she was yelling at him. Instead, he would set a limit against being yelled at, stating that he would listen to her only when she spoke to him with respect and only when she was open to learning with him. But as long as she has to approve of him for him to feel secure or worthy, he will not set this limit. Until Don opens to his spiritual Guidance for his security and worth, instead of handing this job to Joyce, he will be a victim of her unloving behavior.

Taking responsibility for our own feelings of worth and lovability through developing our spiritual connection, instead of giving that job to others, moves us out of being victims and into personal power.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

You are going to meet a very important client for lunch. What do you do? If you are anything like Anna the first job is to ensure the outside you is perfect, well dressed, matching clothes, clean shoes, washed in your favourite soaps, perfume. Check yourself many, many times in the mirror, Ask your partner (numerous times),” Do I look right”? “Is everything OK”? Basically, nothing is left to chance. The inside you has been studying the information you feel is important. You feel on top of your subject but slightly nervous. You pull out all the stops to ensure that the person you are meeting will get full benefit of your total attention, love and generosity. Again, nothing is left to chance.

To be more successful, to be outstanding in a world of successful people you need to think, feel and be professional. Anna always ensures she is more informed, more prepared than anyone in the office.

To her losing is not an option. She has to win. She remembers the time, five years ago, when she was not in the top 50 of the top salespersons in her organisation and did not go on the annual, all expenses paid, trip to Bermuda. Instead she got a bottle of champagne, special delivery, from a colleague with a note, ‘Sorry you didn’t make it’. She was seething and vowed never not to make it again.

So she sat down, thought and thought and discovered the secrets of winning. The secrets of success.

I’m sure you already know the secrets. Confidence and Preparation and Knowledge. Anna started to prepare like she has never prepared before. Not only did she know all about her products. She started to know all there was to know about her established clients, potential clients and what made them buy the product and what made them buy from her, the competition, etc etc etc.. Everything she did had been done before except:- She learned that the only way to be a very successful person —to constantly win— is to conquer your waste thoughts.

Anna realised that the what stopped her performing was not the knowledge or the confidence or the preparation. It was failing to applying the knowledge she had. Allowing her wasteful, negative views of herself to dominate.
Anna had to learn to change her thoughts. Stop the waste and negativity. Take responsibility for her life.

Most self help books and articles she read told her to:

“STOP your waste thoughts or STOP self defeating behaviour… be focussed on your aim and objective………..eradicate waste and negative thoughts that stop you from achieving……..”

The problem is that she found it difficult to STOP her waste thoughts. In fact the more she tried to STOP thinking negatively the more she thought negatively.

Anna did more research and found another way. Instead of STOPPING waste thoughts success lay in changing her thoughts.
So now all Anna had to do was change her thoughts.
But How do you do that?
Anna started each day with the following five minute meditation where she reinforced her talent by focussing on giving herself: Total attention, love and generosity.

Sit quietly, relaxed (put on some relaxing music if you wish):

Just sit with yourself, quietly, relaxed. Be generous to yourself, give yourself total attention and love.

Become aware of your thoughts. Letting the thoughts of what you: ‘ should’, ‘ought’ and/or ‘must’ do, fade away.

Don’t be drawn in to acting or listening.

Gradually you will reach a place of calm. Stay in that place. Don’t hurry away.

Let yourself be taken on a journey.

Enjoy the peace and calm that is beginning to waft over your body and mind.
Concentrate on the good periods of your life. What you did right. The successful periods. The times when everything worked for you. What were your thoughts then?

Relax. If you fall asleep it doesn’t matter. You need it. Just give yourself time.

Anna focussed on the good and positive things in her life. Gradually she noticed that her thoughts and behaviour had changed. It didn’t happen all at once. It came erratically……in spurts. But it happened.

Try it for just three or four days. Focus on giving yourself: Total attention, love and generosity. Like Anna, we are sure, you will experience so much benefit. In fact you will even start to see changes in your behaviour. Try it!

What we are saying is the opposite to general convention. You don’t start by making effort to stop your negative and wasteful thoughts. You start by behaving in a generous, open, loving way to yourself and then your behaviour changes. Don’t shut yourself away in a box. Open yourself up and allow everything to flow in. Give yourself total attention, See yourself with love, be generous with the time you give to yourself and you will feel the change in you. It works.

Changing your thoughts will give you the edge you desire. It will give you the competitive edge over competitors. All you have to do is put it into practice. Remember: Nothing is left to chance.

Good Luck

Graham and Julie

To improve your intuition, initiative and energy levels. Please go to:
http://www.desktop-meditation.com It’s free.

Another New Year is upon us. You’ve probably got lots of grand plans for change. We all know that every year we start out with good intentions and within a few weeks the drive and motivation diminishes. If you are ready to make a lasting change that positively impacts your life, get the ball rolling with a well thought out plan for change. The first thing I recommend is look at what you want in your life right now. The second is to pick one habit that you could change or create within the next 21 days. Experts say that it takes a minimum of 21 days to change a behavior. Are you ready to make a commitment to change? Now, let’s get started creating a successful plan to create one new habit in 21 days:

• Imagine what your life would look like with this new habit. What would you have then that you don’t have now? Visualize what you want for yourself so that you can create it right now. Your ongoing, passionate connection to a clear vision will help you stay motivated to take steps everyday to create what you want.

• Write down the benefits of creating this new habit and your willingness to make the necessary changes. Be honest. What was your motivation for the change? What was your attitude at the time? Your level of readiness to change will determine how successful you are, and how much time it will take. But you need to be ready, able and willing to make change happen in 21 days.

• Identify goals that will support your new habit. Write them down on a calendar or daily planner. Jot down all the tasks and activities (steps) that will support your goals over the next 21 days. Be specific. Use action verbs. Let your goals have measurable outcomes. Specify completion dates. Also record what your reward will be for achieving the goal and read it every morning and night. This will help you to be more committed to creating a new habit as each day passes.

• Eliminate roadblocks that could impede your success. There are always roadblocks to overcome as we move towards creating new habits. Select one roadblock to work on at a time. For every negative message you encounter, turn it into a positive one. For example, “I’m going to fail” can turn into “I have everything that I need to succeed”. It takes practice daily to be successful.

• Build a support network and enlist family, friends and like-minded people who can help move you towards the first steps to what you want to achieve. Establish a discussion group and meet in person, on the phone or online with individuals where you can share common concerns and feelings.

• If your life is already too full and you don’t have time to add anything else, which is the case for most people, take a closer look at how you spend your time on an average day. Record your daily activity. Free up some time you might not have known existed and incorporate your goals into your daily life.

• Write down a few paragraphs describing what you’ve accomplished, and how your life is better as a result, challenge yourself. Strive to create even more new habits. Make simple changes first and then take a look at the things that are harder and that require the most change to achieve your desired results. Tackle them one at a time. Make lasting changes to your lifestyle and reward yourself each step of the way.

Start right now! Over the next 21 days: make a commitment to yourself to identify one new habit that you can create successfullyand start doing it! Explore ways to integrate your goals for your new habit with your current obligations and take those first steps into the New Year with renewed desire and commitment. You’ll soon discover that a new habit can change your life. Please email me your success stories to diane@LifeAccelerated.com.

Diane Randall, Certified Wellness Coach uses her vitality and ability to overcome challenges to help women in technology reclaim what they want out of their lives. She provides corporate wellness programs for IT companies and divisions as well as individual and group coaching programs, teleclasses and workshops. A wellness expert and media resource, Diane speaks and writes about a variety of health and wellness related topics affecting women. She has appeared on Oprah. Her articles appear bi-monthly in the “Forest Park Post” and also online at American Holistic Association, Fitcommerce, Thirdage, Holistic Business Journal, Womans-net, She Unlimited and Self Growth. Visit her on-line for more information regarding her services and events or email at Diane@LifeAccelerated.com

The dictionary defines hope as “a looking out for something
good; a belief that what we wish for will come.” Are you hoping
for the positive outcome of your dream, a sickness, or finances?
Do you see the desired end result in your mind’s eye so vividly
that you can almost touch it? What is your hope based on? Were
you very excited yesterday when the stock market jumped or the
doctor gave an optimistic prognosis? How about today, when the
market had a sudden drop and the hospital reported further
complications in your condition?

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of
things not seen.” (Heb. 11:1). Now, what does that mean? You
mean that no matter how hard it gets and when everything points
to disaster you still have to hope against all hope? So, if you
clench your teeth, purse your lips and scrunch your eyes
together in faith trusting your dilemma will pass, it should go,
right?

Well, let’s have a look how the Bible puts it. In the fifth book
of Romans it tells us to even go so far as to glory in
tribulation! As you delve into it you will discover that this is
true because hardships are a time of testing. The more you learn
to rely on hope, and by faith wait in expectation for the
desired result, the more patience will develop. Patience will
result in small breakthroughs which, in turn, provide you with
the experience that no one can take away from you. When you
experience a miracle, however small, you have the confidence
that the next time you can believe for something even bigger and
better!

This whole process produces character. It generates a whole new
you! Yes, one who has been hurt maybe, sick, depressed or beaten
down emotionally, physically or spiritually. BUT… at the end
of it you will have gained something. It may be wisdom of what
not to do, a certain peace and strength you would never have
realized you had, and a greater realization of who you really
are. You did come out of it and now, having “been there and done
that” you are in a position to help someone else through their
struggles.

“Hope makes not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad
in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” Do you
know the love of God? Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of
our faith, for the joy set before him, endured the cross. (Heb.
12:2) He is Emmanuel, which means: “God with us.” Even though he
was God, he took on a human body, whereby he was subject to all
the physical and emotional circumstances as you and me. But…
he endured and is now seated at the right hand of the Father,
where he has prepared a place for you! What’s more, with Jesus
as your Lord and Savior, you have the same Holy Spirit living in
you. You’re not alone. Inside of you there is an awesome power
to persevere!

Never underestimate the power of persistence!

If you persist you really cannot fail.

While you may fail many times along the way, you have not
truly failed until you accept failure. However, if you are
truly persistent, failure is a clear indication you are
getting closer to success.

How can that be?

Because with each failure comes very valuable knowledge. The
knowledge of what DOESN’T work, (this is the basic premise
of testing).

Acknowledge failure brings you a step closer to success and
you will never look at it the same way again.

Do you have a light in your house? Of course you do. Do have
a light in your car? Of course you do. Do you see them in
the street, in the shops, airports, hospitals, restaurants,
etc, etc? Yes, they are everywhere.

Well, the electric light was borne from one man’s
irresistible persistence to invent what many said was
impossible.

It wasn’t easy, thousands of times he failed….thousands!!
How many people make it past 3 failures? Most give up after
only one. Plenty never even try.

But Thomas A. Edison, the creator of the incandescent light,
took each of those failures in his stride.

With the knowledge of what DOESN’T work, each failure took
him a step closer to changing the entire world!

We only want to get rich. A much, much easier task.

If persistence can change the world, imagine what it can do
for you.

Persistence can be developed through 4 simple steps.

Are you ready?

Pay close attention, these are life skills you should
embrace deep within your psyche…practice them whenever
you want to rise above your present dilemma…teach them to
your children.

The 4 Steps to Developing Persistence

Step 1
Have a definite goal fueled by a burning desire to achieve
it.

Step 2
Have a definite plan and continually work at it.

Step 3
Close your mind against all negativity. Do not think about
or be discouraged by the negative comments that may come
from family, friends and acquaintances.

Step 4
Form a friendship with one or more people who will encourage
you to follow through with your plan and achieve your
goals.

There my friend is the kind of thing we should be taught in
schools. How different might your life be if you embraced
that as a child.

Personally, I was never taught to persist. Whenever the
going got tough I quit.

After years of underachievement, poverty and unhappiness I
knew my life philosophy wasn’t working. I decided if I ever
wanted things to change I needed to change.

So I set about discovering the laws of life known by the
very rich and the very happy.

The 4 Steps to Developing Persistence are among the most
valuable.

Here’s how they can apply to you:

Step 1
Have a definite goal backed by a burning desire to achieve
it.

- I’m guessing you want to be rich. If you do commit
yourself to achieving that goal you are half way there.
Read my ‘7 Secret Steps To Success’ article once you have
finished this one. http://007workfromhome.com/harnessing-your-power.php

Step 2
Have a definite plan and continually work at it.

- You must have a plan because without one you are treading
water. How many people do you know have goals?

Probably not many, I know because I asked a lot of the
people around me what their goals were and most of them
just went “…aahhh….dunno”.

That’s the kind of aimlessness that will see you doing the
same unrewarding job for the next 15 years.

Step 3
Close your mind against all negativity. Do not think about
or be discouraged by the negative comments that may come
from family, friends and acquaintances.

- If you know someone who has a habit of discouraging you,
don’t tell them what you are doing or what your goals are.
Wait until you’re having some success and then tell them.

Anything they have to say then will either no longer apply
or will be seen for what it is:
– An attempt to stop you from rising above the position in
life they would prefer to see you occupy! –

Step 4
Form a friendship with one or more people who will encourage
you to follow through with your plan and achieve your
goals.

- If you know people of similar mind then that is fantastic,
spend time with them, soak up their positivity.

If not, don’t worry because you do not necessarily need to
form a personal relationship. Encouragement from the great
minds and achievers of our time can be found in books,
tapes and CD’s.

Jim Rohn is very good, others are Anthony Robbins and
Napoleon Hill.

Persistence is a necessary ingredient in any achievement.
Obviously it must be, because if you didn’t persist you
would never finish anything.

The degree of your persistence is actually proportional to
the size of the achievement.

It has been a defining characteristic of some of the
greatest men and women to ever walk our planet.

Persist!

By Murray G. Hughes

http://www.007workfromhome.com/4stepsto-developing-persistence.php

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The experience of optimal functioning called flow enhances creativity, and can be nurtured in our own lives, says the psychologist who developed the concept.

Author of “Flow: the Psychology of Optimal Experience” and a number of related books, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced me-high chick-sent-me-high) says we can facilitate the conditions for this experience, and that it may be found in a wide range of careers and activities.

For his doctoral thesis on “how visual artists create art” he studied photos taken every three minutes as artists created a painting. He said in a newspaper interview that he was “struck by how deeply they were involved in work, forgetting everything else.”

He went on to study chess players, rock climbers, dancers, musicians and others. “I expected to find substantial differences in all their activities,” he notes, “but people reported very similar accounts of how they felt. Then, I started looking at professions like surgery and found the same elements there – a challenge which provides clear, high goals and immediate feedback. They forget themselves, the time, their problems.”

He cautions that many people misunderstand flow as a kind of passive “spacing out” and seek it in ordinary leisure activities. “Most people look so much forward to being home, relaxing. Then they get home and don’t know what to do. They aren’t challenged, so they sit in front of the TV, depressed.”

Instead of “spacing out,” flow is rather the experience resulting from a person’s body or mind being “stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

Athletes refer to being in the “zone” - an optimal psychological and physiological climate for peak performance.

The legendary Ted Williams has said that sometimes he could see the seams on a pitched baseball. Gymnast Carol Johnson found that on some days she experienced the balance beam as wider, so “any worry of falling off disappeared.”

Sports psychologists and trainers use a range of techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, concentration exercises and meditation to help people access this “zone.” One of the consistent themes of these approaches is the need to “get around” the conscious mind.

But Csikszentmihalyi has warned “You can’t make flow happen. All you can do is learn to remove obstacles in its way.” He says the effort to recapture the high of a perfect run down a ski slope, for example, will rarely succeed because “you’re splitting your attention from what’s happening now.”

Using PET scan technology (Positron Emission Tomography), researchers at the University of California, Irvine, have found that people learning to master a video game show a reduction in the overall metabolism of the brain - less brain activity along with greater skill. This indicates that increasing ability results in better efficiency, and the brain can “relax into” the task. This may be the physiological result, or perhaps a central cause, of decreasing the “static” of non-flow consciousness.

Csikszentmihalyi points out that “Some flow experiences involve low danger, like reading a good book. But certain people are disposed to respond to risk, and their flow will depend on it more than somebody else’s. Danger is the hook. But their descriptions are not that different from, say, a Thai woman’s description of weaving a rug. The quality of concentration, forgetfulness, involvement, control are similar.”

Csikszentmihalyi’s suggestions for experiencing flow include picking an enjoyable activity that is at or slightly above your skill level; continually raising the level of challenge as performance improves; screening out distraction as much as possible; focusing attention on all the emotional and sensory qualities of the activity, and looking for regular feedback, or concrete goals to monitor progress, even if it is a large or long-term project with delayed outcome.

Writing a short story, or raising a child, can be contexts for flow experience: you can see them as a series of short-term steps or events, each having value in engaging one’s talents.

Other examples of “flow activities” are games, artistic performances and religious rituals, but Csikszentmihalyi notes that “people seem to get more flow from what they do on their jobs than from leisure activities” - perhaps especially those kinds of jobs which demand full attention, like surgery or computer programming.

Writer Susan K. Perry, Ph.D. affirms that flow is not a state of ‘no mind’ or meditativeness as such. “I don’t believe that when you get into a creative place, you’re giving up thinking,” she said in our interview. “You’re super-thinking — better and with more parts of your mind than you do normally.”

But having a ‘busy mind’ can also mean being fragmented, unfocused, distracted. “You want to get to a place which is both loose, relaxed, and focused,” she notes. “What I found in my studies of flow are that two things you need to do to get to this place where time stops and you can be most creative, are to loosen up, and focus in.”

“It’s a paradox, obviously, to be loose and focused at the same time,” she admits. “And they overlap, and one may come before the other.” She also thinks we “choose not to get into flow, which means we aren’t able to access our deepest creativity. We choose not to because, perhaps, it’s more stimulating to be surrounded by overflowing inboxes.”

Achieving flow may present a greater challenge for gifted and talented people, who often experience high levels of excitability and intensity, but it is worth the effort to remove the obstacles in the way of feeling flow. That state of awareness is where we are most creatively alive.

Douglas Eby writes about psychological and social aspects of creative expression and achievement. His site has a wide range of articles, interviews, quotes and other material to inform and inspire: Talent Development Resources
http://talentdevelop.com/

The following three inspirations were adapted from A Daily Dose of Happiness, and they represent three key ways to increase our happiness.

1. FORGIVING FOR HAPPINESS

We like to think we are better than our friends below us in the food chain, such as the octopus and the snail. After all, we have love. We feel happiness. We have empathy. We have a conscience. We can reason.

We can also hold onto grudges.

Grudges are, in fact, prickly little creatures that worm their way into our hearts. Holding onto them is a self-defeating exercise.

Fortunately, forgiveness is also uniquely human. Forgiveness cleanses the spirit. Forgiveness let’s us get on with enjoying our lives instead of being preoccupied with someone else’s. Forgiveness opens the door to happiness.

2. SUPPORTING FOR HAPPINESS

When things seem to be very bleak, it does not take much to lift someone’s spirits. Sometimes all it takes is to let somebody know they are not alone.

That is why it is so important to smile at people, especially if they look down. And if you know what is weighing the person down, let them know they are not alone. Don’t go burdening them with all your miseries, but let them know you have been there.

Guess what? You will feel happiness for having helped them, too.

3. ACCEPTING FOR HAPPINESS

There is no such thing as happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Too many people just don’t know how to make peace with themselves.

Peace begins with acceptance. Whether we agree with everything we do (like the environmentalist who sometimes throws out a recyclable container), it is important to accept what we do.

Do we always make the best choices? No. But they are the choices we make.

Do we always treat people with the most respect? No. But it is how we treat people.

Can we improve? Yes, and we should. But that is a project for the future. First we must accept who we are now, rather than condemning ourselves. Then we can move to improve the person we will be tomorrow. Both acceptance today and improvements tomorrow will increase our happiness.
.

These inspirations first appeared in A Daily Dose of Happiness Get the best Daily Doses in a free ebook: Inspiration & Motivation To Go, or visit David Leonhardt’s happiness home page.

Some people are not in a position to work with a coach right now. Some are stretched financially, while some are still using the “lone ranger” method. Other people might be uncertain about trying something new.

So here is a brief, simple process I often use with clients that you can apply to you own situation i.e. coach yourself! And at the end of the article I will mention how you can go even further than this using a professional coach.

STEP 1) Clarify your goal

Some of us are not moving forward simply because we have not set a goal that inspires us! Make it specific e.g. 20% increase in income by January 1. And you can stretch yourself, but keep it realistic. If you’re blocked, schedule creative time to play with ideas. Dream, cry, challenge. Ask someone. Create it! Don’t get hung up on the ‘right’ goal, just pick something exciting that takes your fancy – then trust yourself, and move to Step 2).

STEP 2) Plan

What overall strategy(s) will you use? For example, to lose weight, will your strategy be dietary, exercise based, or a combination? To increase income will you increase your knowledge, switch employers, network, or improve performance. For this stage you will also set your milestones to achieve along the way, with deadlines attached (say every 3-6 months). Also list the tasks to achieve along the way in between milestones.

STEP 3) Action

Once you have the overall plan in place, it’s time to get down to specific action. You might like to list the action steps you will take in the next 7 days, or the next 30. When you have completed these actions, it’s time to evaluate, celebrate, and write the next list of action steps.

STEP 4) Structure

Having an idea, or desire is one thing. But many of these do not get achieved. This is probably one reason you are reading this article – because there is something in your life you would like to achieve or change, but it hasn’t happened yet. Change rarely occurs without a “structure” in place to support you. For example, if you want to be a public speaker, surround yourself with speakers. Talk a friend into doing your goal with you. Ask someone to check in on you once a fortnight to ask how you’re going. Set constant diary reminders for the next month, and/or encouraging visual displays on the wall. Announcing your commitment to the world (all your friends) is also a great structure.

And if you’re really serious about your goal, it’s hard to find a more powerful structure than hiring a coach. Does speaking to someone once a week, and taking time out each week to focus on what’s important to you, sound like it might make a difference? You bet!

David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school.

Looking to become a life coach? Get your free copy of ’50 Power Questions’ to use with your life coaching clients, and to take charge of your own life. Download here:
http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm

And find out how these ordinary life coaches are making $30,000 to $1.4 million per year! Finally they share their secrets: http://www.10SuperCoaches.com

Your reaction to the events around you determines how you feel and how you affect those you come into contact with. Consider the following example:

Jane, a bank executive, got caught in traffic on her way to an important presentation at a board of directors meeting. As a result, she was forty-five minutes late for her presentation. After the meeting Jane was in a really bad mood. Upon returning to her office she discovered that several expected reports were not there.

Jane called Kevin, her administrative assistant, into her office and reprimanded him for not ensuring the reports had arrived on time. Another department was preparing the reports. Kevin had no control over when they would be delivered. Jane was in a foul mood and she didn’t want to hear any excuses.

Upset and stressed, Kevin called Donna, the secretary for the department preparing the reports. He started yelling at her that the reports that he had requested had not arrived. Although this was the first Donna had heard of the reports, Kevin didn’t care. He was upset and took his anger out on Donna.

By the time she got off the phone with Kevin, Donna was seething. Who did Kevin think he was speaking to her like that? Just then, Ed from the mailroom called Donna to ask how she wanted a package shipped. Donna accused Ed of being an idiot for not knowing the package should be sent overnight because it was so important.

Ed tried to explain there was no way he could have known what she wanted. Donna just slammed the phone down in a huff. Ed was livid. Did Donna think he was a mind reader? Ed was still agitated as he went to the diner for lunch.

The diner was extremely busy. His waitress, Stacey, took longer than usual to take his order. Ed was annoyed with the slow service. He was rude to Stacey and left her a small tip. Stacy was running herself ragged and was offended by Ed’s attitude and tip.

The rest of Stacey’s shift seemed to drag. When she finally got off work, she was in no mood for any more hassles from anyone. As Stacey walked into her apartment, her five-year-old son, Jimmy, ran excitedly to greet her.

Stacey immediately noticed that Jimmy’s pants were filthy. “I just washed those,” she yelled. “Can’t you keep anything clean?” Jimmy ran up to his room crying. His cat came over to him purring. Jimmy was so upset he kicked the cat.

Wouldn’t it have saved a lot of people a lot of grief if Jane had gone directly to Stacey’s house and kicked Jimmy’s cat?

When you take out your frustrations on others you may be starting a cascading chain reaction. If someone takes out their frustrations on you, break the chain by not taking it out on someone else. When you react negatively to another’s behavior you allow yourself to be drawn into their problems. You control your thoughts. If you feel annoyed, wait and think before speaking or acting.

Keep things in perspective. Let stress roll off you without grabbing hold of and internalizing it. Don’t kick the cat.

copyright 2005 Bryan Golden

Bryan Golden is a self-development and motivational expert, author, and adjunct professor. He is the author of “Dare to Live Without Limits,” and writes a nationally syndicated newspaper column. For more information please visit:
http://www.daretolivewithoutlimits.com or
http://www.bryangolden.com