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Transformational Counseling is about assisting another to transform his life. Transforming ones life is not about changing it. While life is much about doing differently, the genesis of the transformation is about a person altering or transforming his belief or thought of who he thinks he is. We tend to believe that our life is determined or influenced by people, places, things, situations and circumstance and that who we are is the mere accumulation of our past experiences but this is not so. Rather, it is our thoughts and beliefs that determine our experiences and life and also that we are completely and solely responsible for their creation. What we think and believe, especially about ourselves, determines our emotions and behavior in the world and it is our behavior that merely validates what we think and believe about ourselves. Furthermore, we believe or think that we know who we are in life but the reality is that we truly do not. Much of who we are really being we are simply not present to. Much of our life is spent in pretense and who we are really being is hidden from us.

Given that much of our life is lived in pretense, from the construct of ego, becoming present to that which is hidden, to who we are being in life, is absolutely necessary for transformation. It is in that which is primarily hidden from us that one will discover what is determining ones life, referred to here as ones self-limiting belief. The first component of the transformational process is for one to become present to the hidden thoughts and beliefs that have been limiting him in life and in particular to his self-limiting belief. It is in the being of the self-limiting belief that one will discover the primary constraint or barrier to his life, to him living a life that he loves and living it powerfully. We live life from who we think we are. Who we think we are forms the context for our life. Having the awareness or distinction of the self-limiting belief allows one the ability to not be it, to not have his life be merely the probable almost certain future from the past. Without the distinction of the self-limiting belief one will continue to create his life from the backdrop of this ideational barrier and as a result life will appear much as it did in the past.

Becoming present to that which has been hidden, to that which has been truly determining his being in life, allows one the opportunity to transform his life. Once one gets who he has been being in life, the second component of transformative process is for the individual to begin to create his life as a possibility. Once the distinction of the self-limiting belief is gotten, the individual is now able to truly create a new possibility for himself and his life. Getting the self-limiting belief creates the space or an opening for a possibility or possibilities to be invented not as a result or product of the barrier or constraint but from or out of nothing. It is only from nothing that possibility can truly be created. As with the self-limiting belief, possibility exists in language. Once one gets the language that he has been being, that has defined and limited him through being his self-limiting belief, it is at this point that he can begin to recreate himself through the power of his word. Who we are is our word. In is in ones language or word created out of nothing that one has access to possibility and transformation.

The technique described below is designed to assist an individual in becoming present to his self-limiting belief and in the process to create the space or opening for him to invent a possibility or possibilities for recreating his life.

1. Find a relaxing and comfortable space to sit in for approximately one hour. Arrange for this space to be free of any distractions. Just allow yourself to begin to relax. Become present to where and who you are. The use of therapeutic relaxation music can promote the development of a very profound sense of relaxation to enhance this experience.

2. Take a notebook and begin to write down everything that you believe describes or defines who you are. Let your mind wander and do not try to filter or block out anything. Just let whatever comes up about yourself, how you feel and what you think about yourself, to be written down. Who you think you are or that which bests describes you may appear in single words or short phrases. If in a group, share your description of yourself with others. Furthermore, make two lists as there will appear to be both positives and negatives aspects about who you think you are.

3. Sit your notebook down, close your eyes and begin to relax deeply again. Again, the use of therapeutic relaxation music will assist you in the process of creating a very deep state of relaxation. As you begin to move into a deep state of relaxation allow yourself to begin to drift back through time, back through your life, back through your adulthood, adolescence and into your childhood. Allow yourself to become present to how you were being, experiences, thoughts and feelings, through the various phases or stages of your life. Just become present to or notice what appears for you.

4. Open your eyes and return to work on your notebook. Take a look at what you have written and add anything that you became present to about yourself during the above mentioned relaxation exercise. Again, do not filter out anything but merely allow whatever there is to come to the surface, both the positive and negative words that best describes who you think and feel you are or were.

5. Once you have come to a completion of creating the lists, both positive and negative, consider that the positives of who you think yourself to be form the pretense of your life and that their design or function is to fix the negatives of who you think you are.

6. Allow yourself to become present to the negatives you have written down. Notice which one of the negatives best describes who you are, what you commonly believe and feel about yourself, what you have experienced in your mind in the past and even now. Declare the negative aspect that is familiar to you to be your self-limiting belief.

7. Place your notebook in your lap. Allow yourself to become fully present to the fact that what you have written is you, is who you believe yourself to be. Become present to an inauthentic way of being, the positive as pretense and the negatives as that which we hide from ourselves and the world.

8. Place the notebook into your past. If you are right handed place your notebook to your left. If you are left handed place your notebook to your right. Place the notebook approximately three feet from you.

9. Once you place your notebook into your past allow yourself to become present to where your notebook is in relation to your body, to your right or left. Allow yourself to again become present to that which you have written in your notebook is who you believe you are and that it exists to either your right or left.

10. Once you become present to who you believe yourself to be, to the description of yourself as you have written, allow yourself to become present to what now lies in front of you. Given that who you think you are is either to your left or right, become present to what exists in front of you is nothing, an opening from which everything and anything is possible and can be created.

11. Inside the nothing that appears in front of you, invent a possibility or possibilities for yourself and your life. Declare your possibility in language or word, of who you will take on being in life, for yourself. Furthermore, this declaration becomes your personal affirmation of who you will be in and for the world.

12. Repeat this exercise everyday. Repeating this exercise daily will allow one to continue to stay present to his self limiting belief so as to not be it and also to the possibility or possibilities that he has created and invented for himself and his life. Continuing this exercise will also allow the further possible unveiling of the self-limiting belief. The self-limiting belief that one initially becomes present to may reveal even deeper meaning for who one is or has been being.

The exercise outlined above is about the work of the first two components of Transformational Counseling and one beginning the process of transformation. Once one gets the distinction of his self-limiting belief and creates a possibility or possibilities for himself and his life, the third component of transformation involves learning the process of enrollment. Enrollment is a powerful technique for allowing one to stay living into his possibility and out of his self-limiting belief. The fourth component of transformation is about creating a daily plan. The daily plan allows one the opportunity to continue to live into or generate his possibility in his life on a daily basis. The fifth component of transformation involves a commitment to stay in the conversation of transformation. It is in staying in the conversation that one experiences the nonlinear nature of transformation thereby keeping the process alive in his life.

Harry Henshaw, Ed.D., LMHC
http://www.enhancedhealing.com

Dr Harry Henshaw is in private practice in North Miami Beach, Florida. www.enhancedhealing.com

A friend of mine was left by his girlfriend recently. He’s in shock and in pain. He’s also studying Buddhist philosophy; and he asked me the following question: Am I supposed to love her even after she did this to me? Isn’t that what this Buddhist stuff is telling me to do? The short answer is yes; but it’s more complicated than that. Because in order to love unconditionally—the thing that is called for here—one needs to undergo a shift in perception, and come to a new understanding about what love is, and what it can be.

Romantic love, the love of steamy novels and Valentine cards, is about having your needs—or at least your desires and fantasies—met by someone else. It is conditional, and suffers, from a Buddhist perspective, from what you would call attachment. I’m seeing this played out right now by my son’s thirteen-year-old friends, as they fall in and out of love with each other, depending on whether one is doing what the other wants at a given moment. They are, after all, merely acting out what surrounds them, in movies, in the news, in their parents lives, in the life of the culture.

It’s easy to love someone when they’re doing what you want them to do. And it’s easy to love someone who is like you, who lives and acts in your comfort zone. But what happens when your partner or your friend or your parent does something that makes you uncomfortable, that you really don’t like? If you’re being honest, I think it would be fair to say that a part of you falls out of love, at least for a while. And in the midst of deep betrayal, all bets are off. Sometimes you find your way back to what feels like love, and sometimes you don’t.

So what kind of love endures these storms of life? I call it radical love. Radical means two things: On the one hand it means “on the fringe” or “extreme”, and it also means “coming from the root” or “fundamental, innate and essential.” Unconditional love is all of these things. I believe it is where we come from; it’s who we are deep down. Our task is to find our way back to it through the turmoil of the culture that dominates our lives today.

Should we allow ourselves to be abused? No. Should we create healthy boundaries and maintain them? Absolutely! This is part of healthy loving. But we can also look for what is fundamental to ourselves and others, in those times when we might abandon love and see only separateness and conflict. In the midst of pain and disillusionment, we can also see what binds us—what we’re all a part of—regardless of what one or another of us might say or do.

This position bears out the other half of the definition: Unconditional love is way out of the norm in our society, obsessed as we are by the differences between us, and believing as we do that we must protect our limited resources from one another.

Believing that we are one is, indeed, a most radical notion. I hope my friend will come to understand that his girlfriend—and her objectionable behavior—are in some way a part of him, just as he is a part of her. How he chooses to act and react helps to define who she will be to him in the future. This is the Buddhist concept of seeing the potential in all things. It isn’t so hard, once you get the hang of it, but boy can it be a bitch to get started…particularly when you’ve just been dealt a mighty blow! But this is the best time, when your heart is cracked wide open.

So unconditional love isn’t about rolling over and giving yourself up. And it isn’t about pretending that everything’s ok. It’s about understanding that we’re all a part of each other. In the push and pull of life, we’re connected at our roots. Knowing this allows us to remain connected even when we’re in pain, and the source of the pain appears to be the one we love, and the one who loves us. It’s not just what we’re supposed to do; it’s what we’re meant do, in order to be happy, and to be whole.

Author: Abby Straus

Contact: c/o Gaia Lifeworks

Web:http://www.gaialifeworks.com

Email: abby@gaialifeworks.com

Photo: Click here to download.

Bio: Abby Straus is a teacher, author and consultant dedicated to helping people enhance the quality and function of their lives. She has an extensive background in consciousness studies and meditation and is a Feng Shui and energy work practitioner. She lives in Pleasantville, NY.

Happiness is a ‘now you feel it, now you don’t’ emotion. I know this from personal experience and from hearing of the experiences of others. Sometimes I’m very happy, other times, sad, joyful, contented, frustrated, and sometimes very neutral.

Several years ago I had no reference point for the word happy. I knew technically the meaning of the word, however the experience eluded me. Joy I could do, happy for some reason, no.

One day during a workshop the word happy was demonstrated to me with much laughter from the audience. Now I not only get ‘happy’ but remember it also as a fun experience.

There are many small things that can make me happy as well as give me endless joy. I’ve listed seven simple ways toward experiencing a happy moment, but first check you have a reference point to the word happy. Find out what happy really means to you?

1. Remember or create a ‘happy’ moment. When you live the experience of ‘happy’ your mind and body will remember. Feel the happiness in all parts of you, expand this feeling if need be. Practise this daily.

2. Access the Present moment. Notice what happens to you when you’re totally focussed on a comedy show on television, when you listen to light hearted music or when you dance - even if it’s on your own. I sometimes groove to a tune in my office when no-one’s looking – it makes me feel good, cool, gives me a break from what I’m doing and I laugh at myself!

3. Invite friends over for some play time. Organise paper, crayons, paint, and coloured pencils, whatever you can think of and do some drawings or paintings. You could also ask each person to bring along a plate of food.

4. Spend time with nature, go for a walk down the beach or park; observe wildlife in your area or visit a plant nursery. Notice your mood when amongst the spirit of nature.

5. Take something with you that gives you great pleasure such as a book, journal for writing or your MP3 player and sit and ‘Be’ under the canopies of trees for a few hours.

6. Learn something totally new such as another language; pottery or painting or start your meditation, personal or spiritual development program. You’re only ever limited by your own imagination.

7. Join a club or group that you have an interest in. You can then expand your friendship base with other like-minded souls.

With any of the above activities assess what and how you’re feeling as well as where you feel the emotion and how much are you laughing, grinning, or smiling? Remember them totally by living the experience and you will then be able to recall this memory when you want to.

Include to memory your experience colours, smells, sounds and tastes – all the better for remembering your happy time with.

Quiet time spent alone can open the door to the possibility of connection to that most amazing and magical part of you that is your true self, the spirit within.

From my experience the key to a happy life begins with remembering who you are, know what gives you enjoyment, be present, and know that regardless of your circumstances no–one can take away your thoughts or dreams, they are yours to keep for as long as you wish.

Copyright requirements are that it remains with Michaela Scherr and for the link to be “click able” or “live” at www.michaelascherr.com

Michaela is a Transformational Coach, certified practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), writer, and Metaphysician who is totally committed to helping others create positive and action oriented changes to their lives.

Michaela is the author of several e-books including a monthly newsletter called From My Desk.

I have something a little embarrassing to admit. Over the past few days I seem to
have developed a bit of a creative block. I’ve been making cups of tea, hoovering
the rug, even doing my filing, anything really to avoid the inevitable, that I have to
sit down and write. So, jumping swiftly past the obvious and amusing irony of the
situation (me being a creativity coach and all), its got me thinking about where these
blocks come from, and what I or you can do when they occur.

Things I do which make the block bigger and scarier

1. Watching TV: however much I love reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they
numb my mind, and stop me thinking. Bliss for a while, but ultimately unproductive.
Turn it off. Now.
2. Being self-critical: critical of the work itself, then critical of myself for being
blocked. Be nice, and give yourself a break. And some chocolate if necessary. If
you’re going to be blocked, at least be self-supporting about it.
3. Filing, cleaning, rearranging the furniture: all useful, but it’ll just get later and
later, and trying to move the sofa by yourself will only result in (at best) frustration
and (at worst) serious injury to self and home furnishings. It looks better where it is,
put it down and walk away.

Things I do which work

1. Doing something else: creativity thrives on stimulus, and giving your mind a
break from the problem in hand can provide new perspectives when you are least
expecting them. Go for a walk, look at the trees and the sky, or wander round a
toyshop. Anything with new colours, sights and sounds will prompt new thoughts to
flow.

2. Cross-pollination: when I have trouble writing, I go and draw instead, trouble
with a painting, I try writing about it. Sometimes I cook, or dance around the living
room. One form of creativity can inform another and increase the flow of ideas.
3. Clearing space: In “The artist’s way” Julia Cameron advises writing “morning
pages”, essentially 3 pages of long hand writing every morning. In my experience
this is one of the simplest and most effective ways to avoid any kind of creative
block. The discipline of writing, even when the three pages may be filled with your
shopping list or endless lines of “I can’t think what to write” gets your mind used to
filling space. If you can fill space, eventually some rather interesting ideas tend to
surface. It also allows you to empty your mind onto the paper, letting all those
annoying nagging thoughts, worries and ephemera flow out onto the page. What
will be left is clear space in which to get back to the job in hand, being creative.
4. Talking about it: new perspectives from another person (even if and sometimes
especially if you disagree with them) can shift a block quicker than you would
imagine. The process of explaining the problem will often act as a catalyst for the
solution, you’ll suddenly see where the next step lies. Talk about something else if
you like, you’ll still be surprised at what occurs to you mid-sentence.

Most important of all though is to DO SOMETHING! Anything will do, as long as its
proactive (even if not necessarily relevant to the task in hand). Sometimes when you
can’t explode a block, you may just find the nearest convenient route around it, and
looking back, it may not seem so big after all

Claudie Plen is a Creative Life and Business Coach with a passion for making people
more creative, successful and incredibly smiley.

Creative Alchemy - find your inspiration at http://www.claudieplen.com

Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others, but after years in the field it can lose its luster. If it’s no longer offering satisfaction the way it once did find out how you can get the joy back.

Have you ever wondered why some people like what they are doing more so than others? Or what unknown factors contribute to a colleague’s success? Could it be these folks have a coach who guides and cheers them on the court and sidelines of their professional life? But isn’t a coach just for athletes? No. Everyone can have a coach.

Coaching is a tool which can help enhance career satisfaction and performance. It is a shared responsibility between the coach and the teacher.

What are the many benefits to having a coach?

* Discover and utilize skills in an untapped area. You don’t have to wait until burnt out to consider career alternatives.

* Set realistic goals in sync with your schedule and begin to work towards achieving future aspirations.

* Create a roadmap for success. Some teachers are confused about what career path to consider after working for many years in their profession. They often ask: is there anything else I can do? Yes, of course there are other career avenues available. When you set a roadmap for success you have a plan to work towards for future growth and development.

* Learn how to trust yourself. Some teachers lack confidence in their own abilities, which makes teaching difficult. A coach can help a teacher rediscover a sense of self and well-being.

* Build self esteem and be proud of the work you do. How many teachers get a chance to show off their work?

* Become an active learner. With coaching a teacher charts their own path to success. This learning arena is a place to find or rediscover a career path.

* Work on teaching objectives. This process helps clarify and focus key areas for teaching.

* Develop classroom management skills. New teachers often lack management skills. A coach guides teachers and helps them organize the classroom for optimal learning and teaching.

Annmarie Edwards is a certified International Job & Career Development Coach. She works with individuals and businesses on career development. She is the author of 50 Ways to Maximize Your Potential and 50 Ways to Maximize Your Job Hunting. She has a BSC degree in education and also a MA degree. Presently she is a doctoral student at the University of Phoenix. For more information check out her website at http://www.ariacareerservices.com or call her at (877) 645 -7670

Copyright © 2005 by Annmarie Edwards. All rights reserved. Author gives permission for the use of this article as long as full credit is given.

How can you SEPARATE emotions and thoughts from the creative process? My answer is that you cannot - they’re positively intertwined.

When I was working on the Creativity Interviews, some artists I interviewed spoke about walking away from their art when they’re feeling emotional – taking a break or getting some distance. But others talked about using their art to process challenging emotional experiences; pouring their heart out into their work and using it as a cathartic and therapeutic experience.

So we can see that there are a few different sides to this story. There are the emotions and thoughts we bring into our work with us, there are the emotions and thoughts we have ABOUT our creative work, there are the emotions and thoughts that are evoked in us AS we work creatively and there are the emotions and thoughts we evoke in others when we share our work with the world.

WHAT WE BRING IN WITH US

Artists spoke of achieving, “the right mental landscape – a mind clear of external disturbances“, mental clarity - the “freedom from disruptive and negative thoughts, upset from personal life” or a positive outlook. (The Creativity Interviews, page 5)

We want that clear mental landscape, and yet we bring a LOT into the creative landscape with us.

When we embark upon creating something, we bring our whole selves into the process with us. Our prior experiences (and our thoughts and feelings about those), the state of our physical body (and our thoughts and feelings about that), our hopes and expectations of the future (and our thoughts and feelings about those), our relationships (and our thoughts and feelings about those) and, of course, our creativity and creative skills (and our thoughts and feelings about those).

THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT OUR CREATIVITY

Worth a special mention are those thoughts and feelings that we have ABOUT our creative lives. Do we deserve this time to create? Have we given ourselves permission to do it? What messages have we gotten throughout our lives about taking time for creative expression? Do we value our work? How has our work been judged by others and how do we feel about that? How do we judge our own work?

It seems that self-awareness is key. The more we understand these thoughts and feelings for what they are, the more time we spend evaluating them, questioning them, and discussing them with others, the better. With greater self-awareness and understanding, we’re able to incorporate these elements into our work, instead of having them be something we need to fight against or overcome.

And when we bring them into our work, our work takes on a new depth, since it’s drawn from a fuller range of our emotions and thoughts.

On the other hand, when we’re left fighting against those negative and distorted thoughts and troubling emotions, and trying to work in spite of them, then stress, self-doubt, paralyzing procrastination and performance anxiety can result.

AS WE WORK

“Several artists spoke about surrendering to the unknown, acknowledging their spirituality (higher power, higher self) and being in flow – being part of a larger cycle of creation, re-birth, and evolution over time.” (The Creativity Interviews, page 5)

Sometimes our desired mental landscape can be attained only by rising above everything we bring with us into the creative realm. When we reach this higher state of existence - a connection with spirit, with the universal creative flow, with all the art that’s been created before us and all of the art that will be created in all of time - our real-life concerns fall away.

This amazing experience is often cited as the reason we just can’t stay away, we just can’t give up our creative dreams even though we struggle with them.

“Many of the artists described highly creative times when they are responding to strong emotions and want to express them through their art – transduce them from one form of energy to another. These emotions are sometimes brought on by other pieces of art they are witnessing – the depth of their experience as a listener or observer inspires creative expression from them – a desire to participate in the creation.” (The Creativity Interviews, page 7)

Sometimes I hear people say that they’ll get to their creative project, their creative dream, as soon as things “calm down” in their life. And yet it’s the creative process itself that’s usually the most effective at bringing about the calmness of mind and emotional stillness that we crave.

And we need this calm and stillness in order to respect the stages of the creative process. The “incubation” period, for instance, when ideas are forming, percolating, developing or cocooning.

“Watch me. I’m making a cocoon. It looks like I’m hiding, I know, but a cocoon is no escape. It’s an in between house where the change takes place. It’s a big step since you can never return to caterpillar life. During the change, it will seem to you, or to anyone who might peek, that nothing is happening - but the butterfly is already becoming. It just takes time.” - From Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus

If we’re not calm and centered, connected to that universal creative flow, we get impatient with this phase of creation and want to rush it along.

And when we can surrender to the moment, give ourselves over to unknown results and lose ourselves to the present moment, we’re achieving life skills that other people spend years to develop through meditation and other spiritual and bodywork practices.

While my view of self-care certainly advocates a serene and peaceful life as an ideal, it’s not about shooing away the more tumultuous emotions and harmful thoughts, but processing them, giving them a voice and then letting them go.

And practicing our art is a GREAT way to do this.

It provides a mirror, both in the moment and later, of how we were feeling and what our thought processes were in the moment of creation.

OUR GIFTS TO THE WORLD

That leads us to the last piece of this topic – the thoughts and feelings that our work may evoke in others, when we choose to share it with the world.

Our expression can help those out there who have neither the words NOR the creative outlet to express their own feelings. I’ve experienced this myself, when I find that a songwriter has hit on my own feelings or experience and all of a sudden I have a way to explain how I’ve been feeling. And not just explain, but express it by singing along.

“When we feel, we begin to be alive. When we express a feeling, we share with the rest of the world that we are alive. When we express a feeling through music, we invite the rest of the world to share in our experience of the feeling, and to be alive with us.”
- Source Unknown

Imagine the impact of something you created while in the state of flow – do you think someone who’s listening to, looking at, wearing or handling that creation can experience even a tiny bit of what you were experiencing? We HAVE to believe that they can.

In my work as a music therapist, I infuse every note that I play and sing with my intention to bring joy, life and healing to my clients. And I see the evidence every day that my intention meets its mark.

So meet your emotions and thoughts in the creative realm. See what colours they are, what they want to say and become and what forms they want to take. And then let them out to play with others.

This article was originally published on the Creativity Portal website.

© Linda Dessau, 2005.

Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, helps artists enhance their creativity by addressing their unique self-care issues. Feel like your creativity is blocked? Sign-up for your complimentary copy of the popular e-course, “Roadblocks to Creativity” by visiting http://www.genuinecoaching.com

It takes less effort to keep an existing customer than to gain a new customer.

This is Business 101. Corporations focus on acquisition, but they must also focus on customer service and retention in order to be successful.

So why don’t people apply this philosophy to their personal network? For some people the word “networking” conjures up events where people pass out business cards indiscriminately, and at the end of the evening they have enough cards to play blackjack, but no new meaningful contacts. Others think back to grad school and the career office’s suggestion to find a job through networking – which meant cold-calling older alumni and asking (or begging) for a job. Meanwhile, they may lose touch with the people they actually know. They are focusing on acquisition, but not on customer service, or retention.

Your friends, your family’s friends, co-workers, buddies at the gym – all of these people are included in your network. Are you nourishing your network – focusing on the customer service side of the equation? Or are you only working on acquisition and letting old contacts fall off your list?

The best way to nourish your network is to help the people in it. Introduce that job-hunter to someone you know in his field. Pass on the name of your favorite B&B to the couple getting ready to celebrate their anniversary. Provide the names of your doctor, dentist, and hair stylist to your old friend who just moved back to town. And although it seems like a no-brainer, always write a note of congratulations on a promotion, wedding, or new baby. It’s done less frequently than you’d think, and will make you stand out from the pack.

Of course, it’s hard to help members of your network, if you have lost touch with them. Try to contact everyone in your network on a regular basis – once per quarter is sufficient. This means contacting them with no agenda except to check in. Find out what’s going on with them, and see if there is a way you can help them. Then when you do want to ask a favor, or tap into their networks,they will in turn be willing to help you.

Action steps for this month: Contact three people with whom you haven’t spoken in some time. Let them know you were thinking about them, and ask how they are doing. Reconnect. Then make sure you maintain this connection, by contacting them once per quarter. Some suggestions to start your thinking:

• a former boss

• a colleague who now works for a competitor

• a fraternity brother

• the pitcher from last summer’s softball team

• a co-worker who has joined a different division of your company

• a former client

Start this week!

Work/life balance checkpoint: Are you spending lots of energy on your business contacts, but ignoring loved ones? Writing notes to former colleagues, but forgetting your sister’s birthday, puts you in the Networking Hall of Shame. Be sure your schedule this month allows for several opportunities to get together with friends and neighbors. And don’t forget to call your mother! (Yes, she paid me to write that.)

(c)2004 Sara K. Collins

About The Author

Sara K. Collins, M.B.A., is a career and life coach who helps her clients gain focus and enjoy their jobs again. Sign up for her monthly e-newsletter on career development and work/life balance strategies by sending an e-mail with your name and subject line “Add me” to newsletter@sarakcollins.com. To learn more about her coaching services, go to http://www.sarakcollins.com

sara@sarakcollins.com

Why Coaching? It’s a good question, and the answer is found in the heart of human nature. We have heard it many times from couples to world councils - communication is the key. Noted author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia declared, “Communication, the art of talking to each other, saying what we mean, saying it clearly, listening to what the other says and making sure that we’re hearing accurately, is by all indication the skill most essential for creating and maintaining (key) relationships.” Famed psychologist Carl Rogers added that “the basic and most desperate need of our time (is) for more basic knowledge and more competent skills in dealing with the tensions of human relationships.”

We all know by instinct and experience that communication is crucial in key relationships. No relationship, business or otherwise, will long survive bad communication for long. We cannot ignore the need for good coaching and communication if we are going to compete in today’s marketplace.

Remember, coaching and communication is more than what we say - it is what we are. An old axiom reads, “What you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Principled Centered Leadership asserts, “Ultimately, the leadership style one adopts springs from one’s core ideas and feelings about the nature of men - whatever a person has at the center of his life.” The best seller, In Search of Excellence, indicates that the best-managed companies are still “value-driven” or “value-governed.” Their leadership is committed to certain values and principles which they translate into organizational policies and programs.

As coaches, we should ask ourselves some important questions:

• What do we really think of our people?
  
• What value do we place in them?
  
• Do we regard them with real care and concern?
  
• Are they objects we use only for profit?
  
• Do we consider their needs? Their feelings? Their individuality?
  
• Are we open with our people about problems and expectations?
  
• Do we believe ourselves their servant or their overseers?

Questions like these reveal our character. Coaching and character cannot be separated.

Character was the distinguishing mark of America’s Founding Fathers. It governed their lives and shaped our history. In The March of Folly, Barbara Tuchman writes, “How fortunate America was to have as one of its Founding Fathers, George Washington who had such a character of rock and a kind of nobility that he exerted a natural dominion over others, together with the inner strength and perseverance that enabled him to prevail over a flood of obstacles. He made possible both the physical victory of American independence and the survival of the…republic….”.

William H. Wilbur’s, The Making of George Washington, describes Washington’s character when America’s fate hung in the balance. Wilbur records the condition at Valley Forge in the winter of 1777. The winter was cruel and stalked the Continental Army like death. Terrible cold, bitter winds, exposure, and lack of food and provisions literally drove the corps to the brink of starvation. Countless letters and journal entries attest to overwhelming sufferings. Barefoot, hungry, nearly naked, the soldiers were sick, discouraged and forsaken. Had they buckled and left their post, America was doomed. They could have returned to their homes, but loyal to General Washington, and heedless of their sufferings, the men stayed on. Historians call it a “miracle” of leadership.

How did Washington do it? What was his secret? What can we learn from this historic leader? Again, we look to Washington’s character.

Washington was quiet, modest, firm, fair and wise, but his consideration for others was extraordinary. Washington’s men knew that he was deeply committed to them. He was tireless in his effort to procure food, pay, clothing and medicines. He took interest in their personal problems. He walked among their huts; he talked with the soldiers; he walked through the camp at night - their condition often moving him to tears. According to Wilbur, General Washington’s relationship with his men was a “glorious mixture of respect, loyalty, admiration, faith and affection.”

Washington was willing to carry the load of others. Hundreds of times Washington got off his horse to help soldiers push a wagon out of a mud hole with the cheerful remark, “One more shoulder does it.” His contact was daily, sincere and caring. “All these things…made an Army [Team]. And they made an Army [Team] that was totally and entirely loyal to one man - General Washington”. Some historians hold that Washington was the Revolution. And “when he asked his men to endure suffering, they found it impossible to deny him”.

Why Coaching? Coaching is good communication. Coaching is good leadership. And, moreover, coaching is a call to character and commitment to people - the example demonstrated by George Washington. History proves that people can respond - sometimes heroically. Coaching isn’t a “quick fix” tool to control people. Washington didn’t “fast-talk” his way to victory with the Continental Army. He was committed to them and he gave them his best. He stood as an example of character that others were compelled to follow. When that kind of character is present in our coaching everything else tends to fall into place.

Please click here to learn more about our Coaching services and the organizations we have served.

Being a Life Strategy Coach doesn’t mean I’m always on top of my game, completely balanced and without my own challenges. Building a website, writing an e-book, getting a newsletter off the ground and securing clients required a great deal of work and
commitment.

The past year has been filled with teleclasses, business design, creating, learning, coaching, relationship building and information gathering.

Every moment has been exciting and wonderful and has contributed to providing me with more wisdom, understanding, happiness, and a conscious knowing about what I am here to do and how to best accomplish that task.

Although the journey has been very rewarding, it has also been a little tiring.

When coaching clients in creating their ideal lives, I emphasize the importance of self-care. Life balance is fundamental to achieving success and enjoying the fruits of our labors.

I stress to my clients the importance of meditation, exercise, nutrition, and the necessity of having fun. What good is the reward if the journey has not been enjoyable?

It is so easy to give advice to others, but not always to ourselves.

Although I meditate regularly, eat well and exercise, I forgot how to have fun over the last several months. Fortunately, the first three practices carried me well up until now, but I was not feeling complete.

In a 1998 movie, Stella got her groove back by taking an adventurous vacation in Jamaica where she experienced a steamy romance which forced her to take an inventory of her life to find a balance between pleasure and responsibility.

Last night, I got my groove back.

For the first time in almost a year, my husband and I invited friends over to share a tasty dinner and lively entertainment.

We had so much fun, our company stayed for ten hours! During our visit, we played guitar, sang off key, acted like crazy teenagers and laughed so hard we had tears streaming down our faces and could barely breathe!

We acted like we were young kids again and it was absolutely freeing to behave without restraint. I cannot remember when I have laughed so hard in a very long time. It was like having a non-stop comic strip running live in our living room!

This experience was exactly what I needed to put everything back in order. This morning I woke up with more energy than I’ve had in a long time. I played piano (which I haven’t played in almost a year!), have been bouncing around the house all morning, singing and tidying up, and am overflowing with creative ideas. I feel like I just rolled the clock back ten years!

It is SO important to keep fun in our lives and yesterday provided the medicine I needed.

If you are feeling a little less energetic than usual or a little too significant about life and responsibility, do something that makes you feel like a kid again. Hop on your bike and go for a spin, slap on your roller blades and go for a skate, draw your favorite cartoon characters, call an old friend and do something out of the ordinary … whatever it is that allows you to roll back time, do it today!

We never lose our groove, we just tuck it away sometimes and forget we still have one! Do whatever it takes today to make you feel like a kid again. You will be glad you did!

Laurie Hayes is one of Canada’s leading Life Strategy Coaches and owner of Where the Heart is Life Coaching. Laurie works with people who are committed to creating their ideal lifestyle and living life on purpose. She can be reached at http://www.wheretheheartis-lifecoaching.com

At about the same time I started to think about building an Internet website, I considered my personal strengths and resources. It occurred to me that it might be a good idea to make a list of all the things I have in my life, as well as the things I have learned and skills I can use. This could help me come up with new directions for my personal development. After I’ve started writing these things down, I decided to call it “Power Maps” as they outline my sources of power, and could also show me ways to turn my strengths into more powerful actions. In this brief article I will try to demonstrate how I do this, hoping you can do the same. I use my own Power Map as an example, so you also get a chance to know me better…
I began by writing down the major categories of things I do and am related to. Here is what I came up with:

• Family & Friends
• Places I know
• My Studies & Work
• Languages
• My Hobbies & Pastimes

Try to make your own list now. It doesn’t have to be similar to the one I made or even have the same logic or structure. Just try to think of the major things that make up the person that you are.
Next, I added more details to each major category - ending up with many of the things I consider to be my sources of power and knowledge. This is what it looked like by now:

• Family & Friends
  
  • My wife
  • My children
  • My mother, sisters & brother
  • My friends

• Places I know
  
  • Israel
  • Europe
  • South America
    
    • Argentina
    • Chile
    • Peru
    • Bolivia
    • Brazil

  • South East Asia
    
    • India
    • Nepal
    • Thailand

• My Studies & Work
  
  • Human Resources
  • Management skills training
  • Thinking, Innovation & Creativity
  • Philosophy
  • Computers
    
    • Web programming
    • Database planning
    • Online & computer games

  • Myself as an employee

• Languages
  
  • Hebrew
  • English
  • Spanish

• My Hobbies and Pastimes
  
  • Capoeira
  • Diving
  • Board games

Seeing all that I have in my favor, I already started to feel stronger!
If you want to get the same feeling - take a few minutes to list many of your own sources of power.

Turning power maps into creative action

Now it was time to start thinking how I could turn all those resources into something I could make or contribute. In other words - come up with new and useful things I could do with all I have. What I came up with was consisted of things I did before and could do better or on a larger scale; things I haven’t done before but believed I could do; and some other creative ideas that just came up.
In order to distinguish these action ideas from the resources I already listed, I use an undeline for the action items. I am sharing some of these with you:

• Family & Friends
  
  • My wife
    
    • Help your wife pursue her dream
  • My children
    
    • Write children’s books
  • My mother, sisters & brother
  • My friends

• Places I know
  
  • Israel
    
    • Knowing what it’s all about
  • Europe
  • South America
    
    • Argentina
    • Chile
    • Peru
    • Bolivia
    • Brazil

  • South East Asia
    
    • India
    • Nepal
    • Thailand

• My Studies & Work
  
  • Human Resources
  • Management skills training
    
    • Tools for planning
    • Small Business Handbook

  • Thinking, Innovation & Creativity
    
    • Improved Memory Techniques
    • Building a Personal Thinking Center

  • Philosophy
  • Computers
    
    • Web programming
    • Database planning
    • Online & computer games
      
      • Principles of development
      • Review best games on the web

  • Myself as an employee

• Languages
  
  • Hebrew
  • English
    
    • Translation tips
  • Spanish
    
    • Learning tips

• My Hobbies and Pastimes
  
  • Capoeira
  • Diving
  • Board games
    
    • Playing tips
    • Designing & Inventing

Now I had something I could work with. There were other things on the list - this is just to show you the general idea. I am sure that if you try to complete your own Power Map now - you’d have many action ideas.

Bringing it all together

With such a detailed Power Map, you can start looking for practical ways to harness all that power to interesting development possibilities. The strongest creative ideas would be those that combine as many strengths and action items as possible. Consider the creative ideas website I have built (see resource box below) - it combines my power at: English, Internet, Creativity, Management training, and more.

I truly hope this can help you become stronger, more creative, and ultimately happier. If you liked this article and the Power Map tool, you should check out the Resource Box Below for a constantly growing source of ideas and creativity tools.

More creative ideas and creativity tools resources may be found at:

• The author’s website on creative ideas and tools
• Article on Creative Intelligences - 7 quick ways to come up with great ideas
• Unique Creative Ideas for Business Presentations
• Sign up for my Free Creative Ideas Newsletter